The S.A.D. Cycle: The Seduction Phase

Remember how good it felt when they were giving all that attention, love, and affection to you? 

Seduction is the phase where the narcissistic person targets a specific person for fuel or supply. Supply is what you give them that inflates their sense of identity, person, existence. They take from you without returning anything. It is a parasitic relationship that drains you.

Supply could be attention, sex, money, your body, your status, your looks, cooking – anything that person desires for themselves.

Seduction has several key elements that separate it from its healthy opposite: flirting

Seduction is INTENSE. They focus all their attention on you, lavishing on you love, praise, gifts, time, affection; they want to spend every second with you!

This triggers a sense of euphoria within you because they mimic your internalized fantasy of love.

Seduction is GRANDIOSE.

They may claim that you complete them, that you’re exactly WHAT they’ve been looking for (which is true – you’re a WHAT, not a who!), that you and they are soul mates, twin flames and destined to be together (more fulfillment of that fantasy I mentioned above).

Seduction is ENMESHING.

They want things FAST. Now. Let’s get married this week. Let’s move in together. Let’s spend every moment together. We just had our first date. Let’s have sex. Let’s talk about our future together. Hey, I am having money trouble (had a rough month thanks to COVID), could you spot me a few hundred?

Hey, could I stay at your place?

These are all examples of enmeshment. They want commitment fast. They want to entangle lives together fast. The goal here is to trap you into a relationship before you can even breathe. You start to love yourself in their world as they consume yours, erasing it, and replacing it with theirs.

Seduction is ADDICTIVE.

Do you know where you are in the relationship? Can you locate yourself? If not, you’re losing yourself in the addictive element of seduction. You’re caught on the high that their attention gives you. You’re reeling from the fact that “someone like them” would pay attention to you! Before you know it, you’re entering the next phase: ABUSE.

SEDUCTION enters a 2nd cycle after it passes through the ABUSE and DISCARD phases. This is frequently called HOOVERING (like a vacuum hoovers things off the floor). The goal here is for the predatory person to re-supply themselves off of you. They want to reign in their possession and keep it close again to get that special, unique supply you give.

Think of it like food. Some days I want a donut. Some days I want steak. That donut and that steak are forms of supply. If I were a predator, I would want to keep access to both so when I wanted them, I could have them at my disposal.

Sometimes, though the predator is done and you never see them again. SO the Hoover doesn’t always happen. It is most frequent in deeply enmeshed “relationships” aka dictatorships.

Next: The Abuse Phase

Check out the You-tube Training on this topic:

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