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The Abuse Made Life Work Backwards For Us

Codependency and narcissistic abuse taught us to respond to the world in a backward way.

Instead of conflict leading to comfort and understanding, it led to rejection, criticism, and attacks.

Where bids for attention, love, and connection are wanted and desired in healthy systems, in the narcissistic nightmare, they’re ridiculed, dismissed, and labeled as ” a burden” or “selfish” or “too much” (sound familiar?).

We reject our feelings, tune out of our being instead of standing WITH those feelings and rooting ourselves solidly in our validity, power, and brilliance.  All because we were trained to abandon ourselves.

This backward nature of our experience means we have to approach healing and thriving in the opposite way you’d think you’d have to do.

For instance, we often think we need to fix ourselves.  What I’ve discovered is the opposite. Clients that rapidly heal stop fixing and start HONORING themselves.  

I call this “giving up the wrongness of you”.  We’ve been trained to treat our needs, our wants, our personality, our nature as wrong, unwanted, bad, and even shameful. 

Why?  Because this makes us shapeable.   When we’re shapeable, the narcissist or toxic person can use us how they want to get their supply (which is our attention, our validation, our bodies, our minds, our money, our talents, etc – learn more about the narc here: http://narcw.freetheself.com ).

Now, remember, things are backward for us.  So, what would be the opposite of being shapeable?

Most clients say, “being rigid.”

It is a logical opposite. 

But it actually goes deeper than that.

The opposite of shapeable is BEING. 

I had you try out Sensing so you could start tapping into your awareness of BEING in my last email.    This is your FIRST essential step into turning your brilliant awareness into yourself.  This is how we begin to know ourselves.

Have you tried it?

Often times we don’t take initiative till the pain becomes too great for us to deal with.  This is also because of what we’ve been through (yep, it isn’t because you’re lazy, weak, or not serious).  

You see, codependency is innately reactive.  This means we wait till something happens, then we take action.

You’re waiting, subconsciously, right now for something to happen before you take the leap into your real healing and experience for yourself the reality that you are brilliant.  

So, because codependency works the opposite way life, happiness, and love do,  we must do the opposite.

What do you think that means for you?

Yep.  You have to take action before something happens.  You have to embrace your proactive nature

Do that today by trying out the Sensing Tool and journaling what you experience. 

Yep, I’m coming back at this before giving you the next step.  It really is  that important.  You must be able to start being aware of YOU if you’re going to:

  • Discover Yourself again
  • Have happy, healthy relationships
  • Enjoy prosperity and happiness that is already in your reach (you’re just not tuned into it yet)

Take action despite the fear, despite the doubt. 

Otherwise the sense of emptiness, loneliness, and powerlessness will persist. 

Here’s the tool:  Sensing

In my next post, I’m giving a limited chance to join one of my most popular live mentorships.  This comes with a special opportunity.

More on that in a few days.

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