Shame and Who You Are

[Shame and Who You Are]

Have you felt a reaction of shame when you think about who you are? Is this localized to certain aspects of yourself, or is it more general?

Did you know that this is not a natural response? Did you know it is a learned reaction?

This reaction is trained into you by the response from highly influential sources:

  • Your parents
  • Your peers
  • Trusted Authorities (religion, deity, mentors, teachers, lovers, etc)

Their shaming of you, their disgust or revulsion to your choice, belief or desire, their criticism or rejection of it taught you to feel that way about you. The first time it’ll just confuse and hurt. The second time it will start to confuse you. The third and subsequent times you begin to believe the message is *truth*. This becomes undeniable to your mind as it happens over and over.

This feedback isn’t healthy. Shame isn’t an appropriate response to someone’s difference. Criticism that involves diminishing the character of an individual is abusive. The shaming of natural desires, needs, wants and belonging is harmful.

This means that the shame is a result of faulty treatment and faulty beliefs. Faulty parenting and faulty companionship result in individuals feeling confused about their value, place and being in the relationship.

Shame, being a result of faulty interaction, is ultimately a false result and message. Its important to intellectually get this. The shame is NOT truth in any way, especially about WHO YOU ARE.

Releasing this shame, releasing this harm, releasing this faulty, false belief is essential to beginning to know who you really are – a worthy, lovable, beautiful, deserving human being.

This takes time. It takes closure. It takes immersion in being seen – both in acceptance and in rejection. It takes connection. It takes risk. It takes you appreciating and cherishing yourself.

Its worth it.

Marshall Burtcher

Lives in Boise, Idaho. Father of 2 smart, beautiful children. Has a passion for the Alien movie series, movie scores, EDM, self-development, and ice cream. Tends to be found talking deep things with friends or out and about Downtown when not tinkering with Free The Self or coaching with clients.