Shame and Who You Are
Have you felt a reaction of shame when you think about who you are? Is this specific to certain aspects of yourself, or is it more general?
Did you know that this is not a natural response? Did you know it is a learned reaction?
This reaction is trained into you by the response from highly influential sources:
- Your parents
- Your peers
- Trusted Authorities (religion, deity, mentors, teachers, lovers, etc.)
Their shaming of you taught you to believe something was wrong with you. Their behaviors and words programmed you to feel that way about yourself. The first time, it likely just confused and hurt you. The second time likely made you question yourself. Then, the third and subsequent times, you began to believe the message as *truth*. This became undeniable to your mind as it happened over and over and over.
This kind of feedback comes from unhealthy people. It is not the result of love, respect, or kindness (even if they tell you it is). Shame is never an appropriate response to someone’s difference, preferences, feelings, wants, or needs.
This means that the shame you might feel about your wants, needs, and feelings is a result of faulty, toxic treatment from people you trusted and the faulty beliefs that came out of that treatment. Faulty parenting and faulty companionship results in individuals feeling confused about their value, place, and being in the relationship.
This means your shame is the result of a lie, and its claims about your worth and value are lies.
To heal the internalized shame that drives your codepedent fears and behaviors (like pleasing, fixing, and controlling others), you need to go through a 3-step process that:
- Releases the shame that binds you to your false identity
- Integrates the love that completes you
- Reveals the Real You to yourself
This process can take years if done through traditional therapy or through self-help and lone-wolfing it (it took me a good decade of work to get through it becuaseI didn’t know these steps and then didn’t know how to properly institute them when I did know them!).
My course, HEAL, takes you through these 3 steps in twelve (12) specific arenas of your life. You go into the course carrying deep shame and emerge with deep love and a clarity about who you are and what you want in your life.
Join my free training on the 3 steps and learn how HEAL will transform your life: http://workshop.freetheself.com/
This takes time. It takes closure. It takes immersion in being seen–both in acceptance and in rejection. It takes connection. It takes risk. It takes you appreciating and cherishing yourself.
It’s worth it.