The idea that one’s value is fully determined by their utility (aka productivity or how much they please another) is the root of one’s sense of doubt.
You are made to question your own value through comparison to another person’s judgment. Competency (the ability to do a thing “effectively”) is what gets praised or attacked in transactional relationships (aka, benefit-centered relationships).
That person’s judgment is treated as fact or law, giving their perspective incredible weight and authority. This can cause the brain to fawn deeply, reaching for deep appeal to this “authority”.
This is how a person can lose contact with their true nature and become entangled in regulating, controlling, blaming, and obsessing about the other.
And when that those efforts are rewarded intermittently, the people-pleaser becomes chemically bonded (aka trauma bonded) to the chaotic, unreliable relationship.
The way out of this is returning to the self-trust in the natural completeness of Self.
This concept suggest that a person is already whole and has no need of another to complete themselves. Relationships and others are means of connection, discovery, and play – not definition, purpose, and value (like in enmeshed dynamics of codependency).
Natural Completeness is your second natural state. It is built on the first natural state of Innate Legitimacy.
And when these are trusted, even just a little bit, the chains of the toxic bond become brittle and crack. Freedom, especially emotionally and mentally, starts to take life again. The person begins to breathe naturally again, according to their rhythm (as opposed to the entrainment they’ve experienced with the toxic relationship).
My friends, you are naturally complete. You’ve just been taught to believe that you are not.
Your work is to explore and discover by your own legitimate experience the truth of your natural completeness.
This is where you find YOU again.
Are you seeking this?
The Self-Trust Course can guide you in experiencing this safely and deeply at your own pace. Learn more about The Self-Trust Course here: The Self Trust Course