Self-trust has taken me into an important, delicate arena of trauma and connection. This arena is the space of social attachment.
This presents itself as “I want to be liked” and “I want to belong”. It is our natural desire to be included and know we’re safe to be ourselves within a circle of peers.
For a long, long time these are two things I thought I had to overcome. I tried overcoming them by being “enough”. I tried “not caring”.
These are important STEPS in managing codependent tendencies in social attachment, but they’re not the entire scope of attachment.
There is also the necessity for REASSURANCE in social attachment, and that is what self-trust has revealed in me over the last few weeks.
This need for reassurance came alive very clearly and loudly through anxiety about criticism when I started my Holiday Enrollment Promotion. I was afraid of losing people I cared about and that mattered to me.
Self-trust invited me to trust that this fear was valid AND that the need it expressed was also legitimate. It is legitimate because I like these people and care about my connection with them.
That exploded my awareness.
Suddenly, I am immersed in this deep joy for the people I love and care about in my life and also the sadness and grief of those who didn’t accept me in my changes or that I pushed away in my own unhealthy actions.
My connection with them really matters to me, so no wonder I am worried I’d lose that connection. I’ve lost connection, friendship, and love for what feels very random reasons before (this is my little self talking). So, no wonder I feel this anxiety. I don’t know what to predict.
Trusting in the legitimacy of both my needs, my pain, and loss has brought me deeper awareness of me and who I really am. This is beautiful to me and something I really appreciate knowing about myself.
Self-trust is healing work.