[Seeking Permission is Seeking Protection]
I have a little foggy part of my thinking that is always seeking permission from others for something. Permission to be me, namely. Be me in business. Be me romantically. Be me socially. Be me.
This voice is not a natural voice. It is a voice that is programmed into people by controlling systems. When we’re told who we are and who we should be, we are given this voice. The voice shows up as questions coupled with fearful visions of exclusion, isolation, and death.
“Should you really be thinking you can do that?”
“What if they don’t like it?”
“What if you’re harmful for doing that?” <— That’s a biggie for me. I was frequently told how harmful I was growing up. Harmful when I’d talk about my dead mother. Harmful when I would say no. Harmful when I would question things. Harmful when I would defend myself. Harmful.
“You’re self and stupid for thinking that”.
Permission. We sought it from the abusive/controlling authorities so we could feel SAFE being ourselves around them. This is what people-pleasing and avoiding conflict is all about. We’re negotiating our sense of safety being ourselves. And we really do need to be ourselves otherwise depression, anxiety, dread, pressure, and pain show up.
That safety gives us protection. Protection when shit hits the fan. Protection when things succeed. Protection being ourselves because someone else has out back so we can weather the inevitable rejection and criticism that comes. They’re on our team. We rely and lean on them. They are there for us.
We should have never been required to earn protection or safety to be ourselves. Only toxic systems suppress and control the expression of individuals. It is commanded by the all-powerful “should”. Shoulds are shame cloaked in authority. Don’t buy into it. Consent is where power is balanced.
We are entitled to feeling safe being ourselves and taking on life while being in relationships. If the relationship doesn’t allow for this, it requires examination and honesty. Is it shame controlling the limits? Or is it incompatibility?
Take back your personal authority by no longer seeking permission. Take control of your safety by building inward resiliency and outward safe relationships. You are not required (nor are you built) to withstand constant exposure to toxic or deficient systems.
If you want help making this happen for you, learn if HEAL is right for you by taking my free training (http://workshop.freetheself.com/) or contact me!