Mentor To Survivors Of Narcissistic Relationships
And lasting healing & happiness again through one of the world’s most comprehensive and effective healing systems designed specifically for survivors of narcissistic abuse, love addiction, and codependency…
Most therapies and healing systems focus on the bleeding from the wound instead of the actual wound itself.
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Remember how good it felt when they were giving all that attention, love, and affection to you?
Seduction is the phase where the narcissistic person targets a specific person for fuel or supply. Supply is what you give them that inflates their sense of identity, person, existence. They take from you without returning anything. It is a parasitic relationship that drains you.
Supply could be attention, sex, money, your body, your status, your looks, cooking – anything that person desires for themselves.
Seduction has several key elements that separate it from it’s healthy opposite: flirting
Seduction is INTENSE. They focus all their attention on you, lavishing on you love, praise, gifts, time, affection; they want to spend every second with you!
This triggers a sense of euphoria within you because they mimic your internalized fantasy of love.
Seduction is GRANDIOSE.
They may claim that you complete them, that you’re exactly WHAT they’ve been looking for (which is true – you’re a WHAT, not a who!), that you and them are soul mates, twin flames, and destined to be together (more fulfillment of that fantasy I mentioned above).
Seduction is ENMESHING.
They want things FAST. Now. Let’s get married this week. Let’s move in together. Let’s spend every moment together. We just had our first date. Let’s have sex. Let’s talk about our future together. Hey, I am having money trouble (had a rough month thanks to COVID), could you spot me a few hundred?
Hey, could I stay at your place?
These are all examples of enmeshment. They want commitment fast. They want to entangle lives together fast. The goal here is to trap you into a relationship before you can even breathe. You start to love yourself in their world as they consume yours, erasing it and replacing it with theirs.
Seduction is ADDICTIVE.
Do you know where you are in the relationship? Can you locate yourself? If not, you’re losing yourself in the addictive element of seduction. You’re caught on the high that their attention gives you. You’re reeling from the fact that “someone like them” would pay attention to you! Before you know it, you’re entering the next phase: ABUSE.
SEDUCTION enters a 2nd phase after it passes through the ABUSE and DISCARD phases. This is frequently called HOOVERING (like a vacuum hoovers things off the floor). The goal here is for the predatory person to re-supply themselves off of you. They want to reign in their possession and keep it close again to get that special, unique supply you give.
Think of it like food. Some days I want a donut. Some days I want steak. That donut and that steak are forms of supply. If I were a predator, I would want to keep access to both so when I wanted them, I could have them at my disposal.
Sometimes, though the predator is done and you never see them again. So the Hoover doesn’t always happen. It is most frequent in deeply enmeshed “relationships” aka dictatorships.
The ABUSE phase begins when the narcissistic person/abuser’s use of the target (aka the supply) begins to wane.
No longer are they feeling the massive sense of inflation and fulfillment of ego they were during the seduction phase.
The high and rush of conquering their prey is dropping off and they’re beginning to feel annoyed, irritated, and critical.
They’ve also sufficiently “secured” their supply, meaning they’ve put their target into a position of commitment and growing dependence on themselves psychologically, emotionally, relationally and often financially. They’ve achieved this through the 4 STEPS of the SEDUCTION Phase: INTENSE interaction, GRANDIOSE claims and promises, ENMESHMENT of lives, and ADDICTION through triggering the euphoric state in their target.
This sense of security allows them to take off the mask and reveal what they really are.
For the target, this is a terribly confusing time. They wonder what they did wrong. They attempt to repair and correct things. They begin inspect themselves for flaws and behaviors. They begin to try to change themselves to fit what the predator wants, hoping that they can get the seduction phase to resume and for their love to “go back to who they were (and I secretly know they really are)”.
This abuse phase activates the codependent’s fears about abandonment and being truly unwanted and unworthy. It also brings to life the “I can fix them/change them” fantasy they’ve had with others, likely their parents.
The abuse also begins to bring shame more and more into the picture. This conditions the codependent to deepen their emotional and mental association of who they are with feelings of shame, inadequacy, and worthlessness.
These feelings end up compelling the codependent to “try harder” to fix themselves, to fix the abuser, and go deeper into their fantasy about their partner being truly loving but is struggling with trauma or their past.
The abuser plays into this with skill through the kinds of abuse they do. This includes:
1) Claiming that the codependent’s behaviors are the cause of their pain and actions. “Well, if you hadn’t done that or reacted that way, I wouldn’t have been so angry!”
2) Gas-lighting the codependent about what happened: “Are you sure that’s what happened?” “You’re remembering that wrong.” “IF that is what happened, then you deserved it.” “I didn’t do that. You’re making that up just to hurt me!” “Oh, so that’s what you really think of me, eh? You think I’d do that to you?! Wow! You’ve got some real problems!”
3) Claiming that the codependent’s wants, needs, feelings are the problem: “You’re too sensitive. Just let it go.” “You want so much! It is like I can never do enough for you!” “Can’t you just be happy with what you get?” “Why is it I always have to do more to please you?”
4) Attacking the character of their target. “Are you that stupid?” “You’re just selfish and mean…” “You are crazy and need help.”
5) Vilifying mistakes and benign behaviors: “You deliberately forgot to do the laundry so you could make me look stupid!” “You said that to hurt me!” “You are trying to gaslight me and abuse me (after you hold them accountable for something they did)”
6) Denial and victim-hood in response to accountability: “I didn’t do that”… “You made me do it…” “People pick on me all the time…”
7) Making false promises: “Ok. I was wrong there. We should get help…” never follows through. “I’ll never yell at you again…” five minutes later they’re yelling again.
This is NOT an exhaustive list, just a glimpse into the dominant expressions of abuse I experienced and my clients/students experience during the Abuse phase.
There are two goals the abuser has in the Abuse Phase:
1) Deepen their control over their supply: the more beaten down the supply is, the easier it is to control them and manipulate them.
2) See how far they can go with their behaviors until they get a reaction: this is about gleaning more supply from their target in the form of pain and anguish. Often the most unhealthy and deeply narcissistic persons will go this route. Many “Soft narcissists” or people on the shallow end of narcissism won’t push limits. They have some modicum of empathy that buffers their escalations.
Next comes the Discard Phase…
The Discard.
This is what the codependent fears most. It is what causes them to feel paralyzed, frozen and then compliant, cooperative, and meek. The threat of being abandoned triggers their brain’s fawn response and pulls them deeper into a sense of powerlessness, dependence, and shame.
Why?
This has to do with the same factor that causes the euphoria the codependent feels during the Seduction phase and the Distress they feel during the Abuse phase: Their emotional attachment and partial enmeshment with the abuser/narcissistic person.
Imagine for a moment that you were a conjoined twin and that twin had your heart, but you had their gallbladder. They could survive without you, but you could not survive without them.
This is how a codependent feels about the narcissistic person/abuser.
They feel that they’d die if that person abandoned them.
This stems from the very real emotional (and often physical) abandonment they experienced as a child from their parents. This very active, painful center of incompleteness and emotional isolation seeks it’s completion and wholeness through others it chooses (it can’t be just anyone!).
This is expressed as “I just want someone to love me for who I am”.
It does this because this is a NATURAL part of a process called “Individuation”. This is where a child begins to define themselves through and against their parents, their peers, their world. This maturation of self was highly inhibited in the codependent due to the abuse and neglect they experienced (from parents or otherwise).
Now that the codependent has met someone that really “sees” them and gives them grandiose praise, attention, and affection (aka the seduction), this development process is re-activated so it can complete it’s self and discover who it is.
This is why the codependent starts to feel alive, and often whole or complete. They also begin to feel empowered to be themselves during the Seduction phase. Their internalized loneliness and emptiness are sated and they feel safe to be themselves again.
But with the Discard Phase, all that love and affirmation and care is withdrawn (often suddenly) and the codependent begins to experience the terror of the emotional isolation and the emptiness of self again. They feel lost, listless, and without direction as the relationship with the narc was their center of gravity and their bearing to themselves.
This is a horrifying space to be in.
The Discard is the abuser’s big display of power, independence, and superiority. They “don’t need you anymore”. They are “better off without you.” They often quickly move on, replacing you with a different form of supply. You are only an object to them, not a human being.
Now, the Discard isn’t always permanent and not always large.
You can be discarded and hoovered back into the seduction phase within minutes. Sometimes the discard lasts weeks or months only for them to come calling back, promising changes and reminiscing about the past (as if the abuse and discard had never happened).
Yet, this is just their first steps in drawing you back into the Seduction so they can glean their supply to inflate their empty sense of self.
Beware of this. You end the cycle of your own torment by seeing and respecting what they are based on HOW THEY CHRONICALLY BEHAVE.
The intensity, grandiosity, and escalating enmeshment of the SEDUCTION phase triggers a massive chemical wave of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin, adrenaline, and cortisol into your body.
This triggers a fear+love experience that feels euphoric and highly consuming.
It feels lavish and heavenly to finally feel seen, valued, and loved.
Your internal fantasy about being rescued, made whole, and truly wanted is finally coming true.
The power of this seduction compels you to give your all to them.
This means you:
This is the phase where you surrender yourself to them and to the promised bliss you fantasize is coming true for you.
The Distress phase ignites as you notice your partner is no longer as warm or affectionate or attentive has they were during the SEDUCTION phase.
In fact, they’re beginning to:
Sometimes this happens very slowly.
Sometimes this happens within seconds of a compliment or affectionate touch.
This is not your fault.
This is part of the ABUSE phase.
This sends your nervous system into overdrive, triggering panic, high anxiety, hyper-vigilance, and your brain’s “fawn” response.
You begin to:
The Distress Phase places you in high emotional stress, mental contraction, and deep shame and fear.
Your efforts fail.
They stop talking to you.
They stop paying attention to you.
Maybe the replace you with the dog, a video game, work, or cheat on you.
At any rate, you feel hopeless, helpless, and worthless.
Your best efforts to be who they said they wanted have gone unnoticed.
Deep feelings of shame, guilt, fear, and fatigue settle in as your normal.
Depression and anxiety dominate your days.
Obsessing how to get them back consumes your time, your effort, your money.
You”can’t live without them.”
You can’t face the possibility that you really are “not worth it” or that they are right: no one would love me.
You get the shakes, nausea, and dread at the thought of them never being in your life again.
You are in attachment distress after being abandoned by the person that promised to never leave you.
Then the unthinkable happens…
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Narcissistic abuse and neglect programs shame, fear, guilt, and fatigue into our emotional relationship with ourselves, with love, and with others.
Our needs are turned into weapons, our feelings turned into landmines, and our very identity discarded by the gas-lighting, dehumanizing criticism, denialism, shaming, and objectification we experience with the narcissistic individual.
HEAL reverses this impact through it’s simple 3-step psychosomatic process called The HEAL Process. Here’s what The HEAL Process does:
This is all achieved through gentle guided meditations that create safety first and allow you to flow and feel as much as you’re comfortable. The result is your freedom, confidence, and self-worth being restored at the emotional level. You feel it.
You’ve been trauma bonded to your abuser. This happens through the S.A.D. and E.D.D. cycles.
Do you feel crazy? Do you wonder what is real? DO you struggle with intense cravings, obsession, and fixated thoughts on the narcissistic person?
If so, you’re dealing with the Trauma bond (also called Love Addiction). This is a result of the S.A.D. + E.D.D. Cycles described above.
You can break free from this and be at peace, have your sanity back, and have healthy belonging and connection again. Here’s how FROM-ADDICTION-TO-CONNECTION helps you achieve that:
This is achieved through the gentle Connection Practices that ease your pain, increase your peace, and comfort your distress.
The biggest hurdle in healing is getting our needs met. NURTURE makes this complex journey simple and straight-forward.
Nurture takes advantage of your brain’s ability to create emotional “reference points” and using an exclusive psychosomatic process, trains your brain to fulfill its needs through internal emotional experiences and healthy external experience. Here’s how NURTURE helps you achieve that:
This results in you emotionally experiencing the fulfillment of your emotional needs in safe, playful, fulfilling ways.
My courses are self-paced regardless of they’re the live edition or the recorded edition. They’re designed to adapt to your lifestyle and needs. This is achieved with my Step-By-Step™ course design.
This means:
My courses are designed to be used from the smart phone and the desktop computer or laptop.
This means:
One of the biggest barriers to my own success and healing was the tools & practices given to me didn’t mesh with life. They felt separate and incompatible.
I fixed this by creating practices that you easily use in real life. This allows students to:
Taking the leap on your own healing is scary. I know it was for me. What made the difference is a warm, supportive community that I could turn to with my questions, my needs for understanding and support, and guidance.
I provide you with this support through:
Healing and growing takes time, repetition, and practice. I support you through this journey by giving you access to everything forever.
This means:
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The RapidHEAL™ Live Mentoring Membership is for students seeking mentorship, support, and personal guidance as they move through their healing in RapidHEAL™.
The RapidHEAL™ Live Mentoring Membership achieves this through:
The RapidHEAL™ Solo Membership is designed for those seeking an ultra-affordable solution for their healing and are comfortable with more of a self-guided, self-directed approach.
The RapidHEAL™ Solo Membership gets you instant access to:
This membership does NOT include:
The THRIVE Strategy™ Trainings get you access to classes that enhance the results you’ve achieved in HEAL, FROM-ADDICTION-TO-CONNECTION, and NURTURE and take your happiness deeper into your well-being and daily life.
Thrive Strategy™ achieves this through:
Live Mentoring Hours is your chance to get custom coaching from Marshall at any time in your journey through the trainings.
Live Mentoring Hours includes:
The RapidHEAL™ Solo Membership is designed for those seeking an ultra-affordable solution for their healing and are comfortable with more of a self-guided, self-directed approach.
The RapidHEAL™ Solo Membership gets you instant access to:
This membership does NOT include:
The RapidHEAL™ Live Mentoring Membership is for students seeking mentorship, support, and personal guidance as they move through their healing in RapidHEAL™.
The RapidHEAL™ Live Mentoring Membership achieves this through:
The THRIVE Strategy™ Trainings get you access to classes that enhance the results you’ve achieved in HEAL, FROM-ADDICTION-TO-CONNECTION, and NURTURE and take your happiness deeper into your well-being and daily life.
Thrive Strategy™ achieves this through:
Live Mentoring Hours is your chance to get custom coaching from Marshall at any time in your journey through the trainings.
Live Mentoring Hours includes:
This is an necessary category.
This is an non-necessary category.