Holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day…
Can be a minefield of sorts for us.
Maybe we’ve been asked to attend a family dinner. Maybe there is a pressure or sense of being expected to contact the parent. Maybe there is triangulation happening through friends or siblings where you hear about what mom/dad are expecting from you.
What really matters most this holiday is YOU. And when I say you, I mean your feelings, thoughts, and needs on this holiday. Grief, anger, numbness, confusion are frequently what we feel on these kinds of holidays.
Whatever you may be feeling, I want you to know this one truth: YOU ARE ALLOWED TO FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL.
You don’t have to fix your feelings. You don’t have to change them. You don’t have to have different feelings. Why?
Because what you feel actually matters. It is your truth in this moment. It is what is real for you right now.
I say honor it!
“What do you mean?”, you might be asking.
Honoring our feelings is to give them attention and hold sacred space for them. This means we take the side of our feelings.
I’ll show you how I am doing it with the feelings I have with this year’s Mother’s Day:
First, what am I feeling?
I’m feeling a bit nauseous. I have some tension in my back and chest. My face is frowning. I feel sadness and kind of yucky. I see in my mind a memory of how confused and yucky I felt when this day came around. I am about 14 years old, and I am upset with the disgusting behavior of my step-mother and I’m really missing my deceased mother. That little boy needs some love, so I reach out and hold him.
Right now, as I’m writing this, I’m simply paying attention to my breath and following the sensations that come as the memory unfolds. This is me just holding space for what I feel.
I won’t change this despite my brain telling me I have to “get over this”.
Honoring is all about sitting with what you feel and breathing with it. You are simply observing whatever shows up and letting it be.
This holiday, take time to honor you. You come first. You choose you first. You are under no obligation to your narc, abuser, or neglectful caregiver/parent/partner, etc.
Remember, you are worth loving. You are worth knowing. You are worth keeping.
Your Solutions Are Ready When You are:
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