fbpx
Facebook
Reddit
Twitter

Maybe It’ll Be Different This Time…

This is a mental gotcha. Our inner child really, really wants mom and dad to be safe. They yearn for that connection, shelter, and validation. All of this is very, very normal and natural. We deserve to have those things from our parents.

But when the parent is the source of our terror, we are drawn into a deep conflict within ourselves. How do we choose ourselves without risking the loss of this connection with our mom or dad (or both!)?

This is where we begin a covert operation to make them like us through pleasing, through unearned forgiveness, through fixing, and through undue tolerance. We shuffle who we are into a closet, promising that maybe one day we’ll let them out when “things are right”. We then sprint back into the world and get busy trying to earn the love of our parents.

Our healing is about coming back to that true self and bringing them into our world. This requires us to stay sober about reality. Our parents won’t be there. Our abuser won’t change. And we can still be who we really are and thrive.

This depth of healing is about facing the fantasy we created to keep us focused and alive. It served its purpose. It got us to this day. And now it must die.

You see, the fantasy is the story you tell yourself about what “can be if they’d just…” or “maybe it’ll be different this time…”. It is what we keep trying for.

My fantasy is all about my parents seeing the error of their ways, apologizing and owning their shit, and then getting involved in my life. They would like me and want to spend time with me and talk with me and share with me. They would like being with me.

They haven’t and won’t.

That is reality (per their behaviors).

It sucked realizing this. It hurt. I grieved for several years. I was bitter. I was angry (sometimes still am). I was resentful. I felt stupid and shameful.

Until I endorsed the genuine hurt. Then came deep release and peace. I saw that I was ok not being ok with their nature. I saw that I could have peace if I gave up denying who they chose to be. I saw that my peace and freedom was in my power and not dependent on them changing or being different than they are.

I get my need for attention, presence, play met with healthy people now. It isn’t the same as it would be with healthy parents. It took a long time to let that be ok. But it is now.

We will grieve. We will feel a hole in our lives. We will live without our parents providing for some things we needed from them. Those things will be filled in different ways.

And we will *thrive*.

We thrive because we go back to the closet and liberate our real self into the world. We jump into being us with love, curiosity, and courage. It is here we finally realize who beautiful, precious, adorable, and wonderful we are.

What does thriving look like for you?

What does it feel like?

What smells come with it?

What sounds are there?

What sensations show up in your body?

What experiences are you having?

These are the things you can have.

Why?

Remember that inner self you put in the closet a few paragraphs back?
They’re the key to it all. They are your brilliance personified.

You are not here to survive. You are not here to spend a lifetime healing. You are here to experience YOU.

And once you get who you are out of that closet (which is the shame and fear of who you are), and tap your awareness into that energy of YOU, your reality will change.

You deserve healthy, loving relationships. You deserve to be who you are and BE KEPT. But that starts with keeping yourself FIRST. <3

What Are Your Thoughts On This? Share Them Below!

41 Responses

  1. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles?
    I mean, what you say is fundamental and everything.
    However think about if you added some great pictures or video clips to give your posts more, “pop”!

    Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this blog could definitely be one of
    the best in its niche. Great blog!

  2. Fantastic beat ! I wish to apprentice while you amend your
    site, how could i subscribe for a blog web site?
    The account aided me a acceptable deal. I had been tiny bit acquainted of this your
    broadcast provided bright clear idea

  3. Greetings! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this
    site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with
    hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform.

    I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of
    a good platform.

  4. This is the perfect web site for anybody who wishes to find
    out about this topic. You realize a whole lot its
    almost tough to argue with you (not that I personally will need to…HaHa).
    You certainly put a fresh spin on a subject that’s been written about for ages.
    Wonderful stuff, just great!

  5. You really make it seem so easy together with your presentation however I in finding this matter to be actually one thing that I believe I’d never understand.
    It seems too complex and extremely large for me. I’m having a look forward on your next publish, I’ll attempt to get the cling of it!

  6. Magnificent items from you, man. I have be aware your stuff previous to and you are simply too excellent.
    I really like what you’ve acquired right here, certainly like what you’re stating and the
    way through which you assert it. You’re making it enjoyable and you continue
    to care for to keep it smart. I cant wait to read
    much more from you. This is actually a terrific web site.

  7. My brother recommended I might like this website. He was entirely right.

    This post truly made my day. You can not imagine just how much time I had spent
    for this information! Thanks!

  8. I have to thank you for the efforts you’ve put in writing this blog.
    I really hope to check out the same high-grade blog posts from you later
    on as well. In truth, your creative writing abilities has inspired me to get my own site now 😉

  9. Hello, i feel that i noticed you visited my website so i got here to go back the prefer?.I am trying to to
    find issues to improve my website!I guess its good enough to make use
    of a few of your concepts!!

  10. I have to thank you for the efforts you have put in writing this site.
    I really hope to check out the same high-grade content by you in the
    future as well. In fact, your creative writing abilities has motivated
    me to get my very own blog now 😉

  11. Woah! I’m really digging the template/theme of this site.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s challenging to get
    that “perfect balance” between usability and visual appeal.

    I must say you have done a fantastic job with this. In addition, the blog loads super fast for me on Opera.

    Outstanding Blog!

  12. After looking at a handful of the blog articles on your blog, I truly appreciate your technique of blogging.
    I saved it to my bookmark webpage list and will be checking back in the near future.
    Take a look at my web site as well and let me know how you feel.

  13. I don’t even understand how I finished up here, however I
    believed this publish was once good. I do not recognise who you’re
    however certainly you are going to a famous blogger should you aren’t already.

    Cheers!

  14. Hey would you mind sharing which blog platform you’re working with?

    I’m going to start my own blog soon but I’m
    having a tough time selecting between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal.
    The reason I ask is because your design and style seems different
    then most blogs and I’m looking for something completely unique.
    P.S My apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

  15. Hello I am so happy I found your blog, I really found you by mistake, while I was looking on Bing for something else,
    Nonetheless I am here now and would just like to say cheers for a fantastic post and
    a all round enjoyable blog (I also love the theme/design), I don’t have time to read through it
    all at the moment but I have bookmarked it and also added
    in your RSS feeds, so when I have time I will be back to read more, Please do keep up the superb jo.

  16. Very nice post. I just stumbled upon your blog and wished to say that I have truly enjoyed browsing your blog posts.
    In any case I will be subscribing to your rss feed and I hope you
    write again soon!

  17. We absolutely love your blog and find nearly all of your
    post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for. can you offer guest writers to write content for you?
    I wouldn’t mind publishing a post or elaborating
    on a number of the subjects you write concerning here.
    Again, awesome website!

  18. I am really loving the theme/design of your site. Do you
    ever run into any internet browser compatibility problems?
    A few of my blog readers have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox.
    Do you have any solutions to help fix this problem?

  19. Appreciating the persistence you put into your site and in depth information you present.
    It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed material.
    Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  20. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement?
    My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but
    it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without
    my authorization. Do you know any techniques to help protect against content from being ripped off?

    I’d truly appreciate it.

  21. Thanks for the auspicious writeup. It in truth was a enjoyment account it.
    Look advanced to far introduced agreeable from you! However, how could we keep up
    a correspondence?

  22. Have you ever considered creating an ebook or guest authoring on other
    blogs? I have a blog based on the same subjects you
    discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my viewers would value your work.

    If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *