The holidays often compel us to ignore our boundaries.

Make this holiday season one that favors your capacity, peace, and well-being

#boundaries #codependency #healing #healthyrelationships ...

SOVEREIGN WORTH vs TRANSACTIONAL WORTH

*titles updated and order fixed*

Codependency has us seeking our worth through earning, proving, or validation. This assumes others have authority over our worth.

In my work, one`s indomitable, innate, invulnerable worth is what they are made it. It is an inherent part of themselves.

This quick-list helps you start discerning between being anchored in your worth and seeking it outside yourself.

Note: Quick-lists are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

TRANSACTIONAL WORTH

- Seeks a sense of value and worth through productivity and achievement
- Performance is the go-to solution when feeling inadequate or having a need for feeling loved
- Outcomes define one`s worth
- Approval feels like love
- Rejection feels devastating to one`s sense of self
- Defines self according to the preferences and likes of others
- Sensations: A strong impulse to take on lots of responsibilities, to be a high performer, to strive for perfection; deep sense of insecurity, impostor syndrome, and inadequacy
- Behaviors: Taking on lots of responsibility, play is avoided, perfectionistic expectations, workaholic

SOVEREIGN WORTH

- Experiences a felt-sense sensation of worth as a person
- Engages in play, creativity, rest
- Uses work and productivity as a way to share who they are, not define who they are
- Attuned to one`s sense of capacity, wants, needs, and limits
- Enjoys being themselves
- Rejection and approval are regarded as information about the experience, not definition of who they are
- Sensations: Sense of joy in being themselves; work brings joy, as does play and rest; curious and creative
- Behaviors: Respects their limits, their successes and failures, owns their value and worth, cares for wants, needs, pain, and joy; allows failure to happen and curiosity to guide them

#codependency #healing #relationships ...

"How do I know a person is changing?"

Their behavior`s change and you can feel that through the impact it has on you or see it in how it impacts others.

#codependency #healing #narcissism #abuse #recovery ...

Consider giving yourself rest - even if it is for only 5 minutes - from trying to heal, fix, or "get better" today.

#codependency #healing #rest ...

You are not required to change because someone doesn`t like how you show up.

#codependency #healing #selftrust #advocacy ...

Euphoria and attraction are frequently confused with each other, especially when one comes from codependency, love addiction, or trauma bonded relationships.

Use this guide to help you discern between attraction and euphoria in your dating and relationship experiences.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

EUPHORIA

- Intense sensations of attraction
- Flooded and uncentered
- Jittery nerves
- Fear of rejection, losing the person’s approval or affection
- Fixation on getting their attention
- You fawn, please, and accommodate their uncomfortable or hurtful behaviors
- Your body is tense, full of adrenaline, and exhausted
- You find yourself ruminating and pre-occupied with them
- You feel a mix of attraction and fear towards the person
- Ungrounded
- In fantasy about the person

ATTRACTION

- Curious about who they are
- Feelings of affection, interest, and desire for them
- Feeling playful and open
- Willing to acknowledge anything that doesn’t fit or feels off to you
- Available to see who they are based on their patterns of behavior
- Centered in your body
- Paying attention to your life and maintaining your goals, boundaries, and desires
- Body is open, relaxed, curious
- Willing to reject and be rejected in order to learn truth
- Being realistic about the person

#codependency #healthyrelationships #relationships #traumabond #loveaddiction #healing ...

What shifts when you prioritize your peace over their approval?

#codependency #healing #relationships #peace ...

Remember:

*All* codependent behaviors are an attempt to preserve a sense of connection, safety, or worth. It is the body`s best attempt at keeping those alive and secure.

Once the body learns how to meet those needs differently, it’ll do those more naturally.

This is why codependency isn`t the real problem. It is always a symptom of fearing loss in those three areas.

Join us for my next 8-week course in healing codependency starting September 24, 2023.

Link in the bio! ...

I found myself again when I stopped defining myself against the opinions and expectations of others.

I suspect you will, too.

#codependency #confidence #healing ...

We often apologize for things that do no warrant such a thing.

This come from guilt for existing, taking up space, consuming resources, or just being one`s self. This guilt was LEARNED through the feedback others gave to you about yourself and those things you desired or did. Because of the role they had in your world, you believed they were right. This inspired the guilt (or even shame) that you feel in relationship to yourself.

That guilt was not innately part of you. It is programmed.

What shifts if you trust, just a bit, that the guilt is false?

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

APOLOGIZE WHEN...

- To help create repair when there`s been a hurt or impact you didn`t intend
- You violated an agreement you made with another

DON`T APOLOGIZE FOR...

- Taking up space
- Existing
- Expressing yourself
- Asking for something
- Asserting yourself
- Putting yourself first
- Being different
- The disappointment others feel
- Choosing what works for you
- For saying no
- For saying yes
- For being happy
- For being sad
- For being upset
- For having needs
- For having feelings
- For having wants
- For being
- For leaving toxic things
- For your boundaries ...

Remember, you have an inherent right to have limits and boundaries on your resources, including your body, time, energy.

#codependency #healing #healthyrelationships #boundaries ...

Listen to my guest episode on the Love Fix Podcast. We discuss Dispelling Codependency Myths and getting out of the #Freeze #Fawn #traumaresponse loop.

Click the link in my bio or follow @loveaddict_codependencycurious to listen now! ...

A thought on triggers:

They speak for the trapped parts of ourselves that are reliving a terror in the past.

They give us moments to lean in, acknowledge, and legitimize our past lived reality.

They invite us to add sanity to our reality through our listening and validation of what is there.

They`re not signals something is wrong with us or that we`re crazy.

They`re the voice of unprocessed, unacknowledged, unmet parts of ourselves.

Meet them. Care for them. Love them. And the terror they carry will ease. ...

What shifts if you trust, just 10%, that the anxiety you feel is caused by what you`ve been through?

#codependency #healing #trauma ...

A word about boundary violation and getting to know new people:

If they violate the boundary after you inform them of the boundary, they`re telling you that they don`t respect you.

This is an excellent time to end interaction with them going forward.

You`re here to build connections with healthy people. Not teach people how to be healthy. That`s what therapy is for.

#codependency #healing #healthyrelationships #relationships ...

The pain you feel is the voice of your lived experience. When you acknowledge it and let it be real to you, you bring it the validation and care it has been seeking.

This is one crucial way you show yourself that you matter to yourself.

<3

#codependency #healing #selflove #trauma ...

Here are 10 ways to become your own parent.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

1 - Set standards for your behaviors and choices
2 - Practice seeing yourself through the lens of love and kindness
3 - Trust in your own judgment & your ability to learn new judgment
4 - Appreciate & be loyal to who you want to be
5 - Own your choices and actions
6 - Check-in with your needs and wants regularly
7 - Be honest with yourself about what you need, want, and feel
8 - Practice trusting in your worth and intuitions
9 - Confront challenges with curiosity
10 - practice integrity with yourself and with others

#codependency #self-parenting #healing #therapy ...

There are two commitments that create lasting freedom and healing.
They help you construct new, healthy relating habits and protect you from relapsing into unhealthy relationships and habits.

COMMITMENT ONE: Honesty with yourself and others. This involves being able and willing to acknowledge what you feel, what you are experiencing, and seeing reality. This involves the end of fantasy making and hopeful thinking.

This means acknowledging the pain you’re feeling, their abusive and neglectful behavior, your ignoring of the patterns in the relationship.

This means ending fantasies of changing them, of their potential, and it means being honest with what is actually happening.

COMMITMENT TWO: Loyalty to your well-being first. Relationships do not require the loss of your Self, your well-being, your sanity. The real work in healthy relationships is building connection and understanding. This starts with loyalty to yourself.

Put your well-being first, choose according to what adds to your well-being, and you’ll find yourself more and more free from codependent surviving.

#codependency #narcissism #mentalhealth #boundaries ...