fbpx

GET THE MISSING PIECE TO HEALING YOUR CODEPENDENCY

The Never-ending Self-Doubt, Questioning, And Confusion From Abuse Can End. I Will Show You How.

Get My Free Guide, "The Missing Piece To Thriving Beyond Codependency: Restoring Self-Trust" & Start Experiencing The Healing You Deserve Now.

Codependency Is How You Survived

Self-trust Is How You Will Thrive

Self-trust is the first element of your existence that was attacked and exiled from your person.  This happened with the first act of gaslighting, abuse, and discard.

To survive, your body reacted with the please-and-appease response (aka fawn response), planting the seed for your future codependent behaviors.

This can end.  Join my 5-day Freedom From Codependency Challenge and discover how fast and deeply you can trust yourself.

In This 5-day intensive, I’m going to go through everything you need to know to trust yourself again and take yourself back from codependency. Put codependency and the impact of narcissistic abuse behind you.

Starts Monday, March 28th, 2022!

Latest On Social Media

There are two commitments that create lasting freedom and healing.
They help you construct new, healthy relating habits and protect you from relapsing into unhealthy relationships and habits.

COMMITMENT ONE: Honesty with yourself and others. This involves being able and willing to acknowledge what you feel, what you are experiencing, and seeing reality. This involves the end of fantasy making and hopeful thinking.

This means acknowledging the pain you’re feeling, their abusive and neglectful behavior, your ignoring of the patterns in the relationship.

This means ending fantasies of changing them, of their potential, and it means being honest with what is actually happening.

COMMITMENT TWO: Loyalty to your well-being first. Relationships do not require the loss of your Self, your well-being, your sanity. The real work in healthy relationships is building connection and understanding. This starts with loyalty to yourself.

Put your well-being first, choose according to what adds to your well-being, and you’ll find yourself more and more free from codependent surviving.

#codependency #narcissism #mentalhealth #boundaries
...

217 4

Struggling to heal and find real peace?

You may be missing an essential (or several essential) factor in your healing work.

The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently will teach you exactly what you need to heal codependency while creating real well-being, peace, and freedom in your daily life.

These 8 factors are the secret to the success my students have in experiencing relief from shame, fear, and isolation that drives their codependency, and enjoy more peace, connection, and fulfillment.

You see, codependency is how you survived the hurt, harm, and chaos of unhealthy relationships. It helped you get to this day.

But maybe now you want peace. You want love. You want freedom to be yourself.

This is utterly achievable for you. But codependency cannot get you there.

What you need is a new way of living and relating to yourself, life, and others.

This new way needs to help you know, love, and care for yourself. It needs to help you shift how you relate to rejection, acceptance, connection, and belonging. It needs to help you experience more safety, connection, and worth without giving yourself up in the process.

This is what I teach in the 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop.

In this 1-day workshop, I will show you:

1) What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing

2) The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness

3) The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy

You will also receive your opportunities to enroll in my 8-week foundation Live training, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings. These trainings guide through implementing the essential practices and concepts that nurture the 8 Factors of Well-being in your daily life.

Here are the workshop details:

Date: February 22, 2023

Class Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (I teach it twice for your convenience)

Investment: Free

Replay Availability: The replay will be available February 23, 2023

Come join us and let's discover together your new path and healing.

Click the link in the bio to sign up!
...

11 0

Patterns of behavior will tell you the truth. They show you what will happen and they establish the premise of what you can predict with a person.

Promises and words that do not align with patterns of behavior tell you the person lacks strong integrity and accountability and will not be reliable or safe for you.

#codependency #healing #narcissism
...

173 5

Confusing being needed for being loved is extremely common with codependency.

This happens because you've been largely praised, appreciated, and given attention for solving their problems or care-taking their emotions and needs.

This feels really good at first, especially if you've been chronically emotionally and relationally starved. It can feel like love.

This is a transactional form of relationship where you are doing the emotional labor for them in exchange for their temporary approval and attention.

One is left empty, feeling worthless, and possibly resentment and angry when this is their chronic experience in relationships.

Use this quick-list to help you discern if you're seeking to get love by being needed or actually being loved.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

NEED TO BE NEEDED

- You believe they need you to rescue them
- You place them come first over and over your well-being
- You and they do not value your needs
- Feeling lovable, worthy, and valuable is fused with being needed
- Your sense of self is entangled with being the person that helps and fixes
- You feel lost without someone to fix or focus on
- You feel invisible or non-existent when you're not needed
- Sensations: Feel empty and invisible; anxiety about other people's problems; fear about not being needed; resentment, low self-worth; feel a rush when someone needs you
- Behaviors: Involving yourself in their problems; taking on responsibility for their feelings; suppressing your emotions and needs; you may seek out problems to solve

NEED TO BE LOVED

- A desire to connect and know someone else and be known by them
- Feeling appreciated, cared for, and nurtured
- Valued for your presence and being & self-expression
- Boundaries recognized, valued, honored
- Attentive to your emotional well-being, freedom, individuality
- Enjoying and investing time and attention with you
- Being heard, validated, and recognized
- Sensations: Warmth, connection, presence
...

79 2

A well-being habit:

I tolerate the temporary discomfort of saying no in exchange for long-term peace of mind and clarity.

#codependency #narcissism #healthyrelationships #boundaries
...

140 0

Being able to discern between healthy and unhealthy relationship signals is crucial to choosing who you build bonds and commitments with.

Use the below criteria to help guide you in your relationship experiences.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

- Consistently demonstrate they care about the well-being of all involved
- Are attentive and actively listens
- Are empathetic and caring
- Encourages healthy action
- Respect individuality
- Make it a safe and empowering space to be seen
- Are direct, clear, and simple with communication
- See & believe in the inherent goodness of all involved
- Practice of healthy boundaries
- Patterns of follow through in commitments
- Have patterns of accountability for mistakes and impact
- Have patterns of repair

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

- Are erratic or unreliable
- Are defensive, resistant to accountability
- Try to fix and change the other
- Violate boundaries over and over
- Lack empathy or concern for well-being of all involved
- Have patterns of criticism & being dismissive
- Lack reliable chemistry, interest, play, intimacy
- Have patterns of intermittent engagement (i.e. only when sex is wanted)
- Lack accountability
- May have patterns of abuse

Persistent patterns of the behaviors shared in each column are what denote if it is healthy or not; it is the PATTERN that matters, not the positive anomalies.

#codependency #healing #healthyrelationships
...

179 3

What shifts when you trust, just a bit, it is ok to put yourself first?

This helps you explore your experience beyond the current conclusions you may hold about putting yourself first.

Write down what you discover and use that to help direct your growth and healing further.

#codependency #wellbeing #healthyrelationships #selftrust
...

29 1

Being valued vs being valuable. ...

16 0

It saddens me when people refer to the emotional pain, beliefs, and such they feel that blocks them, "crap" or "mess" or "wrong".

Shaming our lived experience, how our bodies respond to those experiences, and what we do to survive isn't going to clear or heal anything.

It will keep it stuck.

It needs love, care, legitimization, and integration. This creates inward healing that STICKS.

Bring warmth toward the pain, and kindness towards the beliefs. Let yourself learn how you survived so you can understand how to thrive.

#codependency #healing #selflove #mentalhealth
...

87 3

A well-being boundary:

I do not allow others to hurt me with their pain. I kindly step away when this happens.

#codependency #wellness #healing #boundaries
...

325 4

For codependents, enmeshment and connection can feel very much like the same thing.

Use this quick-list to help you discern between these very different experiences of relating with others. It can help you discover where you may be enmeshing or where another may be enmeshing with you.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

ENMESHMENT

- Sense of being blended with the other
- A merging of self with the other
- Lose contact with one's boundaries, individual desires, wants, needs, and feelings
- Emotions and feelings feel blurry, mixed up, and not sure who's is who's
- Boundaries are fluid, undefined
- One loses their sense of self when the other is gone
- Obsessive thinking and fixation on the other person, what they're feeling, thinking, doing
- One's sense of value and realness is heavily reliant on the feedback of the other person
- Behaviors: People-pleasing, obsessing around making them happy, ignores boundaries, distress when they aren't there or there is conflict
- Sensations: Panic, euphoria, fear, emptiness, loneliness, incompleteness, chaotic, unstable, unreliable

CONNECTION

- A strong sense of individuality
- A consistent experience of warmth and presence between all involved
- Strong sense of who's emotions is who's
- Boundaries are clear, respected, understood
- Mindful consideration of the other and care for their present experience
- Considerate, caring, empathetic
- One's value and person is independent of the other person's approval, love, and opinion
- Individual goals and desires along with mutual goals and desires
- Behaviors: Honest, kind communication, respects boundaries, playful, takes time with self, shares desires, needs, wants
- Sensations: Calm, safe, playful, open, clear, defined, pleasant, warm, reliable

#codependency #healing #narcissism #healthyrelationships
...

181 5

When abuse and neglect have been your normal, love, warmth, and care will feel foreign and potentially unsafe.

Go gently with yourself. You are adapting to a foreign land and language of relating.

#codependency #narcissism #healing #relationships
...

147 2

What if failure is a guide, not a judgment? A quick video on this idea. ...

8 1

What if failure is a guide, not a judgment?

What does it teach you?

Approaching failure this way will help you refine your skills and mastery of your life rather than condemn yourself because failure is a judgment of your worth.

#codependency #selfesteem #healing #mentalhealth
...

63 5

Discerning if your activated state is a trigger or a reaction to an active danger or unsafe situation is a step in restoring one's sanity and safety.

We do this by looking at the facts of the situation while NOT dismissing, shaming, or ignoring the reaction we're experiencing.

All reactions are VALID and REAL as they come from lived experience in the past.

What does need to be assessed is if the reaction is RELEVANT to the situation at hand. This helps the person discern reality and care for their well-being and safety.

Use this quick-list to help create clarity in your situations.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

TRIGGER/ACTIVATION

- You can determine that there is no actual threat happening by looking at the facts of the situation and people involved; your reaction assumes a certain situation, but the facts point to a different reality
- They haven't violated your boundaries
- They do not name-call, attack, diminish, or deny you or your reality
- They haven't questioned your sense of reality or the event (no gaslighting)
- They are warm and available to how you feel about what happened
- They have a pattern of warmth, responsiveness, and being present with you
- After outlining the situation, you can see there was no threat
- The intensity and reaction seems to come out of nowhere

UNSAFE SITUATION

- You feel anxious, uneasy, or unsafe and can point to behaviors that led to that feeling
- Your body is being attacked or threatened
- Your emotions and experience are attacked, threatened, belittled, diminished, or ignored
- They have a pattern of being cold or indifferent to you
- They're frequently aggressive towards you
- They gaslight and question your perception
- You're not allowed to take space, disengage, and regulate yourself
- Boundaries are violated
- Consent is not obtained
- They try to control you

#codependency #healing #relationshipadvice
...

124 2

You have 7 innate permissions. These empower you to live from your personal, natural authority and autonomy. They create natural boundaries and guide you in knowing, loving, and being who you are.

They are:

- Occupy your emotional, mental, physical, and energetic space without excuse
- Choose you first and not fix other people's disappointment or feelings about that choice
- Continue to feel good even when others are feeling different emotions
- Have boundaried empathy. Your empathy is a gift, not something others are entitled to. You can put it where you feel it bests serves you and them
- Be worthy without earning
- Ask for what you want & say no to anything you don't want
- Live free of guilt and shame

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #narcissism #healing #mentalhealth
...

166 7

What you went through is not who you are.

The work to heal is the work to discover who you are beyond the experience while also honoring that experience.
...

8 0

A well-being habit:

Where ever I find the impulse to criticize myself, I praise and appreciate myself.

#codependency #mentalhealth #boundaries #healing
...

53 2

What if your identity wasn't who you are?

Much of the time identity is a result of the meaning and conclusions we create to explain why things happen to us.

Releasing these meanings and conclusions is essential if we're to discover who we really are and deeply heal the pain we've lived through.

Learn how in my upcoming 2-day workshop, The Indomitable Worth Discovery Workshop starting January 25th.

Link is in the bio!
...

32 0

Get Connected With Other Survivors

JOIN 4000+ SURVIVORS

Feeling isolated, crazy, and deeply alone lead survivors of narcissistic abuse to believe their is no hope and they’re the only one going through this.

Discover that you’re in the company of 1000’s of others that believe you, hear you, and see you.  Experience the truth that you’re not crazy.  You’ve lived through crazy.

Connect With My Tools & Practices

GET RESOURCES THAT WORK

Survivors like you need specific kinds of tools that help them move out of analysis, out of paralysis, and into a body-focused healing experience. 

Get access to my suite of tools, trainings, and guides that help you achieve this kind of healing and success by clicking below.

Meet Marshall

WHO IS MARSHALL?

I MENTOR CODEPENDENTS WHO ARE SEEKING  TO BE THEMSELVES.

After 25 years of codependency and 13 years of freedom from it, I’ve experienced a lot of emotional, relational, and mental terrain that come with knowing, loving, and living who you are.
 
I’ve built healthy, secure intimate and platonic relationships, resilient self-worth, self-trust, and peace in my personal life after a life of trauma, depression, social isolation, and failed relationships.
 
Today, I help survivors experience for themselves peace, love, connection, and the joy of knowing, loving, and living who they are.