No. The most powerful two letter word in your world. Or it should be.
Say it. Say it out loud. Say it right now, out loud. Say it again. “No”.
Is it a quiet no? A timid no? Does it feel empty?
That is ok. Right now, just giving yourself permission to have your NO is powerful.
No Is About Your Boundaries
Your no establishes your territory. It defines your boundary. It clarifies your limits. That is a function of Law One of the 10 Laws of Approval Junkie No More. Being able to create these things is a result of your power – your ability to affect your own world and life. If you’re feeling powerless, check to see how often you’re saying yes to things you actually want to say no to.
Boost your power by tuning into your No Impulse and begin practicing saying no. It doesn’t matter if it is a small no, a timid no. All that matters is that it is your NO, and that you make it matter to you.
No is About Your Wants and Needs
Saying No to someone or something also means you’re saying Yes to something or someone else. I often tell my clients that “no!” is an act of love that we send to our future self. We’re investing some sadness, some longing, some waiting, some loneliness for a happier, fulfilling tomorrow.
You must know what you really want for your life to know what to say yes and no to. This means lots and lots of experiments and exploration, as experience is your best means of discovering what you want.
No is About Your Happiness
Choose you first. That is what No does for you. That probably sounds like its backwards to what you’ve believed about life and how it works. But, for people-pleasers and approval junkies, life works backwards.
You have to say No to find yourself. You have to use your no to find your Yes. Happiness for you is not found in giving up yourself for others, but in the choosing of yourself and what you really want. And to know what you want, you must know your No.
Your Yes will become very, very clear when you have honed your No. You will find that you have Two Yes’s in your being. One of them is the inner Junkie’s impulsive “yes”. It is loud, it is often instant, and it promises you feelings of being valuable and included and worth it (finally). This yes is all about feeding the pleaser, controller, fixer or care-taker junkie.
Your genuine Yes, though, is far, far different. It is subtle. It is steady. It often inspires a bit of anxiety and requires you to step out more in who you are. It challenges you to defy your inner junkie. It beckons you to be strong, courageous and stand up with yourself. This Yes is found by way of practicing you No.
That is why your happiness is on the other side of your No.
Expand Your No by Knowing Your Boundaries
Boundaries. They matter because you matter. Pick up my free quick guide of building bad-ass boundaries here:
“Bad-ass Boundaries” Quick Guide
Practice your no by tuning into your No Impulse, exploring and discovering your natural boundaries, and by being aware of your inner junkie’s “yes” impulse.
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