Stop Trying &
Start Having Instead
You've been trying to get what you want in every way you know how, but nothing is really working out. You're stressed, frustrated, maybe even feeling like you're not worthy or deserving of it.
This outcome is not your fault.
It isn't you. It is your alignment.
My work's purpose is to set you free from this pattern of seeking and chasing and fill your life with actually having what you really want.
IT IS NOT YOU. IT IS YOUR ALIGNMENT!
DO YOU EXPERIENCE THIS PARADOX?
There’s a paradox that perplexed and deeply frustrated me for much of my life:
I could get Thing A without much effort. It just came or showed up. But Thing B, nope. No matter what I did, it either came with great effort or never worked out.
IF SO, YOU'RE IN THE RIGHT PLACE!
This paradox exists because reality is a result of our internal energetic alignment.
I imagine you’ve heard a phrase similar to this from others.
These days, everyone talks about energy, alignment, and identity when it comes to manifestation and getting what you want.
But few are discussing *having* what you want in the correct way.
You see, alignment determines your *experience* in the field of reality.
And if you’re aligned with *getting*, then all you’ll experience is the energy of getting – not *having*.
Getting and having are distinct, different states of being.
Getting implies it is not in your possession yet. It is *coming*.
Having points to the fact it is *here, now*.
Further, you’re taught to visualize what you want. And what do you focus on?
The FORM. The elements of the result.
This creates attachment to the outcome, triggering either a reflex to control or avoid the process of having it.
Focusing on the form also separates you from the key element that translates a desire into a real experience: ESSENCE.
All of this creates mis-alignment.
Restore proper alignment, and you’ll have what you desire.
I achieve this by taking you through the I.V.A.R. Process.
THE EQUATION THAT GETS YOU WHAT YOU WANT
The Results you’re experiencing in your life are outcomes of three specific factors:
- The Identity you embody as your “now self”
- The Vision this identity gives you
- The Action that vision inspires
What you have right now is because of the identity you embody, the vision it gives you, and the actions you follow due to that vision.
To receive something you want but never have had, the Identity must be changed, so the vision can be activated, and the actions taken.
That’s it. That’s how you start having what you want.
It is that simple.
Yet, we both know it isn’t that easy, right?
That’s where my work comes in.
THE SOLUTION IS BEING YOUR REAL SELF...
1. Your Survival Identity Cannot Go With You Into Your Future
We each have three core needs that must be nurtured and stable consistently for us to be ourselves and share ourselves with the world:
- Emotional Safety: We need to feel emotionally safe to share our feelings, wants, needs, and to say yes and no, and express our unique selves with those we’re connected to
- Social Belonging: We need to know we belong, we’re valued, and we will be protected and cared for when we need that. Without that, the world is very scary
- Independent Self-Worth: We need to have a strong sense of our own worth, be able to direct our lives from the guidance of that worth, and feel secure that our worth is not in jeopardy if we’re to craft a life we enjoy
Your body instinctively knows this, and, at some point, your body realized it wasn’t safe enough to be itself.
This often happens in relationship, family, and cultural systems where the person is repeatedly shamed, attacked, diminished, and discarded. Obedience, tolerance of scary and harmful behaviors, and prioritizing the emotional regulation of the other is priority.
This kind of repeating cycle of harm and danger activated your body’s biological defense mechanism called, “fawning”.
2. You Outgrow The Survival Identity Through Healing
Your body has four options to choose from to keep you safe and alive when danger is encountered:
- It can fight the threat and neutralize it
- It can flee from the threat to safety
- It can freeze and play dead till the threat passes
- It can fawn towards the threat, pleasing and appeasing it in hopes the threat will not harm it
Codependent behaviors, like people-pleasing, perfectionism, high tolerance and unboundaried empathy for harmful and hurtful behaviors, emerge when the body chooses to fawn.
This is chosen because the body feels like it’s survival is dependent on the dangerous relationship, so it cannot fight or flee and still survive.
So it must fawn to survive.
3. Your Healing Leads You Into Your Creator Identity
Codependency got you here, to this day where you are able to choose a new future by choosing a new path.
This is why I see codependency as brilliant. Your body and brain were so smart, so attuned, so powerful it saw it could navigate the chaos and pain of abuse and neglect and survive long enough to escape it.
Now the time has come to discover who you are beyond codependency, beyond survival, and beyond coping.
This makes today – right now – the starting point of your life. Not the end.
And you do not have to do this alone, on your own, or have to figure it all out.
With my trainings, you will quickly learn how to feel safe enough to become yourself, share yourself, and build a life you are proud of.
All of this helps your body stop fawning and start advocating.
You will never need to be codependent again to thrive in your life.
HOW I TAKE YOU FROM WANTING TO HAVING
STEP ONE:
DECODE YOUR CURRENT ALIGNMENT
The results you’re having regarding your desire will tell us what is really happening. It will show:
- The current energetic identity at play (your emotions and reactions will tell us this)
- What the vision is and what meaning and/or significance it has to your worth, safety, or beloning
- What type of action you’re using: Reactive or Intuitive
Understanding this reveals the mis-alignment with your desire.
STEP TWO:
DISCERN THE NEW ALIGNMENT
Your desire is the result of a specific identity, vision, and set of actions. Attuning to this and then aligning your daily living to them is how you come to have your desire.
We will use the information discovered in Step One to see what needs attunment and then design your daily practice to experience it. This will including:
- Developing a felt-sense experience of the new identity
- Slowing down and noticing the vision this new identity reveals and letting yourself feel the experience of it
- Listening to the intuitive responses and behaviors that come from the new identity and vision and putting those into action
This is how you begin to implement and experience the new alignment and become the person who has the desire rather than the one seeking it or living with out it.
STEP THREE:
IMPLEMENT AND EVALUATE THE NEW ALIGNMENT
Expressing the identity and vision through your action will be the learning curve that results in you having what you desire.
This sometimes entails taking different actions and making choices you’ve not done before.
Sometimes it means being still and observing what emerges.
This is how you demonstrate alignment with the desire and ultimately receive it.
Evaluation is performed daily to see where support is needed and alignment might be needed.
