Are you being replaced or being kept?

One of the things from my abuse that haunt me still is the “you’re replaceable” message I received growing up. In the Consumer-Supply relationship, the Supply is treated as a commodity (think of that donut you ate. Do you care about how it felt? Nope. You ate it and went on with your life.). When […]

FOCUS – Are you sabotaging your healing and happiness this way?

Are you doing this? 1) Focusing on fixing your shame while… 2) Focusing on fixing your thinking while… 3) Focusing on getting a better job while… 4) Focusing on netflix and hulu while… 5) Focusing on being a better mom or dad while… 6) Focusing on healing your trauma while… Feeling overwhelmed yet? This is […]

Take Back Power in Your Happiness And Healing

Father’s Day. This and Mother’s Day are laced with odd patches of emptiness for me. Neglect is the hallmark of my childhood. It was all about what didn’t happen. And this leaves one with strange gaps about what love is, what passion is, what purpose is. And I’ve been looking at these things pretty deeply […]

Are you mimicking?

Mimicking. It is one of the superpowers of codependency. It is born out of desperation to get some sense of control over one’s environment and others. It is often the most convenient, yet most altering, option survivors of discard trauma choose because it works fairly well. You can get some of those core needs met! […]

Are You Living This Fantasy?

It looks like this: You’re deeply enamored with them. You catch every little signal on their face. You’ve memorized the sway of their body as they walk. You find yourself melting in a warmth that comes from their attention. Thoughts of having found “the one” waft through you mind. Visions of them loving so deeply […]

A secret that makes my approach to healing codependency and trauma so damn successful

You’re treating yourself like an object instead of a being. You regard your value as something that competes for importance or recognition or approval. You’ve been taught a massive lie: that your value must be proven. This programming came from the experience of being approved of, valued, or appreciated when you “did the right thing” […]

[BEING YOU = VALUE]

Did you know that you deserve to be valued as you are? Did you know value and worth have nothing to do with how well you regulate their feelings or how you make them feel or act? Did you know that you never need to evaluate or measure your worth? Did you know the very […]

The One Assumption That Keeps You Fixing Them

Do you try to fix other people’s feelings or problems for them? Do you find yourself fixated on helping them? Do you feel anxiety about their problem and their pain while ignoring your own or what that focus is costing you? Then you’re dealing with the “fixer” element of codependent coping. The fixer is that […]

Patterns of Behavior – What You Need to Know

“How do I know they’ve changed?” “How can I know they’re safe?” Patterns of Behavior are how. But we often misunderstand what this means. Here’s my response to a client’s questions about this: “Time matters, but so does the variety of experiences. Patterns of behavior show up in the container of time + exposure. When […]

Is Your “Yes” Sabotaging Your Happiness?

Take a few moments for yourself right now and consider this question:  Is your “Yes” sabotaging your happiness? Strange question, huh? Yet, it has caused me to pause and examine my choices a bit. Who am I letting into my life right now? What tasks and obligations am I committing to that feel heavy, draining, […]