Category: Abuse

The trap of “becoming a better person”

“Gotta be a better person…” No. Not for me, at least. I grew up under the concept that I was inherently sinful, bad, wrong, and

Empathizing With Their Pain While Denying Your Pain…

A thought on creating sanity for yourself: Once I stopped empathizing with the trauma I assumed was behind their abusive behaviors and making up stories

Parenting The Parent & Narcissistic Abuse

As I continue in my own healing work, I’m touching more into the deep injuries that come from being turned into the Parent of the

The Prevention Impulse And What Comes After – My Own Journey

Part of my codependency was the habit of “prevention”. This habit is a fawn response tangled a bit with flight and fight, depending on the

Undue Tolerance

Normally, tolerance is a benefit to a relationship. It inspires love, connection, relational flexibility, understanding. But in toxic systems, tolerance becomes a quick-sand trap, leading

Is it fawning or is it love?

The fawn response can induce feelings of affection within a survivor towards an abuser or threat. These feelings motivate the survivor to appeal and please

A Paradox With Feeling Safe

There’s a paradox about nurturing safety… Safety is not the lack of intense emotion, or of feeling anxiety, unsure, or even insecure. These are emotions

Are You Hurting Yourself By Seeking Lessons from Your Trauma?

I grew up in a culture that sought meaning in just about everything. Why didn’t the rain come when I prayed? Why did that person

Are you being replaced or being kept?

One of the things from my abuse that haunt me still is the “you’re replaceable” message I received growing up. In the Consumer-Supply relationship, the

Take Back Power in Your Happiness And Healing

Father’s Day. This and Mother’s Day are laced with odd patches of emptiness for me. Neglect is the hallmark of my childhood. It was all