Did you know that you deserve to be valued as you are?
Did you know value and worth have nothing to do with how well you regulate their feelings or how you make them feel or act?
Did you know that you never need to evaluate or measure your worth?
Did you know the very idea of judging your worth is a form of abuse?
This all comes from a point of view I call, “OBJECT ORIENTED RELATING” or “TRANSACTIONAL RELATIONSHIP”. What on earth do these mean?
It means the person relating to you is doing so to GET A BENEFIT.
Much like how you test tomatoes and bananas at the store, they’re measuring you up to see if you can supply them with whatever they need. Once they determine if you’re a quality supply for their desires, they love-bomb you into absorbing their wants, needs, feelings, and priorities.
You secretly hope they will do the same for you, btw. That is part of the “Codependent Fantasy”.
They take control of your behaviors by putting your sense of worth on the cutting table. This is abusive. Period.
We let them do this because we’re hungry for this validation and ache for the fulfillment of being loved totally, completely, and having this aching emptiness and loneliness within us fulfilled.
When we’ve exchanged love for shame as our core governing value, we actually believe we deserve this.
But it all changes when love is made our primary core value again (this is what the HEAL Process™ in the CODEPENDENCE-TO-CONFIDENCE System helps you achieve).
Instead of being suckered in and absorbing them, we are rooted in the experience of our innate worth. We don’t need their approval. We seek, instead, connection and experience with others.
That is the CORE difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships: BENEFITS vs CONNECTION.
Connection can only happen from embodying the experience of our BEINGNESS. This requires that we rest in the assumption of our worth without questioning it. Now, if you’ve followed me for a long time, you’ll likely have a question about what I say, “rest in the ASSUMPTION”. Aren’t assumptions bad?
No. They’re just not useful for expansion. But they are REALLY useful for launching forward. This means we can approach this assumption as our STARTING POINT for being our BRILLIANCE and then expand forward. This comes through an exploration of the question: “I assume I have infinite worth. What else is possible now?”
There’s magic there. EXPLORE IT.
You see, healing codependency is never about fixing anything. What is really breaks down to is this:
1) Making Love your Default Value
3) Taking Control of Your Happiness
4) Bringing Closure to Trauma that comes up as you journey through Steps 1, 2, and 3
That is it. That is the secret sauce of your happiness.
Results clients and students get speak for themselves. These include:
- Love addiction and craving for another to love you HEALED
- Real friendships that are fun, supportive, and loyal
- Happy relationships
- Peace and rest (finally!)
- Purpose in life
Ready to make this happen for you?
Join CODEPENDENCE-TO-CONFIDENCE here: http://membership.freetheself.com
Get Closure to your Trauma here: http://closure.freetheself.com