Now you know your codependency score.

If you need to see it again, check your email, as we emailed you a copy of your score.

Your score is your starting point in creating freedom, peace, healthy relationships, and happiness again in your life as it gives you insight into how much codependency is driving your daily life, relationships, and choices.

Understand your score below.

Understanding Your Score:

0-18 Points: Continue to grow your relationships and sense of self in your life as you have been doing.  Keep an eye out for where you might be pleasing others, avoiding your needs, or otherwise being “nice”. 

19-40 Points: Explore where you can improve your sense of safety and connection in your relationships, and increase your sense of worth and safety being yourself.  This will lead to more connection, prosperity, security, and enjoyment in your daily life.  Typically, a self-help book or a session or two with a therapist can help you fine-tune these areas of your life.

41-60 Points: Take a deeper look at your sense of self-worth, along with how to soothe and care for anxiety, insecurity, shame, and guilt.  There are important needs that are going unmet and need to be cared for. Learn more about what codependency is and how you heal it by reading below.

61+ Points: Codependency is likely the way you know how to live, how to breathe, and how to relate. You may feel that it is “who you are” or is simply all you’ve known. You may be in, exiting, or have just exited a toxic relationship. Learn more about what codependency is and how you heal it by reading below.

Codependency Is A Last-Ditch Strategy For Meeting Needs In Chronically Chaotic, Unsafe Relationships.

Codependency is not a disease, an identity, and is not permanent. It is not a shameful thing that is a result of a flaw in who you are.  It is actually driven by a biological response to repeating threats.  That response is called “Fawning”.  Fawning is where a person believes that they can please and appease others to get love, to get safety, and to stop abuse and neglect from happening.

Fawning inspires codependent behaviors as a strategy to help you get three specific needs met: A sense of safety in your relationships, a sense of connection with those you love, and a sense of value-identity in life (this means having a sense of worth and purpose in life). 

Codependency employs six core habits to try to meet these needs of safety, connection, and value-identity.

Those core habits are:

  • People-pleasing
  • Toxic Accommodation
  • Perfectionism
  • Earning Worth or Proving Worth
  • Fixing & Care-taking
  • Merging
These six habits are symptoms of chronic neglect, abuse, and chaos in a person’s relationships.  They are how a person copes with a lack of loving, caring warmth and regard from others about that person’s needs and wants when all other options have failed.  This is typically learned early in childhood.
Codependency cannot create healthy, happy relationships as boundaries, consent, and personhood are often non-existent.  Shame, guilt, obligation, and a fear of being one’s self dominates the sense of self a person with codependency has.  They do not believe they’re innately worthy, lovable, or sometimes, even real or legitimate.
This is due to those three needs of safety, connection, and value-identity (i.e. having worth and purpose) are entangled with other people’s approval, rejection, presence in their lives. 
These three needs have to be de-tangled from others and put back in the power of the person with codependency.  This means a person with codependency must master how to:
  • Create real, lasting safety in the realms of their emotions and needs, their relationships, and their physical life
  • Create and nurture healthy, nourishing connections with themselves and others
  • Connect to and nurture their authentic worth and true self

These outcomes can sound daunting and even “impossible”.  This makes a lot of sense if one comes from a history of abuse, neglect, and repeated failures in their attempts to generate these things in their personal lives. Then perfectionism shows up and suggests one should know all of this already.

If this is you, know that this is a normal to feel right now.  It is your codependency trying to control outcomes for you so you feel safe, connected, and have value.

The path forward involves breaking the mastery of these three needs into digestible steps.

We start this with nurturing SAFETY first, specifically helping you begin to restore a sense of sanity and emotional safety through understanding deeper what you’ve been through, why you have codependency, and beginning the practice of soothing and caring for your nervous system.

This is best done by attending the 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Workshop.  Click below to sign up for the next live workshop.