Have You Tried Hard to Make Change in Your Life and the Pain Just Keeps Persisting? I lived this way for nearly 30 years of my life. I struggled with debilitating depression and panic. I danced with the devil named “suicide” numerous times, wondering if Life would ever change. Would I ever feel loved for who I am? Would I be valued by others for me? Would I be able to love another fiercely and deeply? Would I have money to enable me to enjoy my pursuits and passions? Would I actually ever be happy?
January 4th, 2008 I unknowingly started on a path that erupted my life and world into a living, breathing experience of challenge, exploration, love, loss, change, and happiness. It started with seeking help through a chinese shaman in Colorado…
His name was Robert Woo
We met over the phone. The objective: address my anxiety about being “enough”. Robert’s voice was calm, soft and inviting. It helped to curb the strong sense of anxiety I was experiencing in being seen as imperfect and inadequate. I was used to being cocooned within my shell of being an “expert” and “having it together”. Over the next 8 weeks, he instructed and guided me in tapping into those feelings in my body. I began discovering:
- That feelings are not clouds in my mind, but tangible sensations in my physical body
- That they were reactionary to stimulus either in my imagination or in my physical reality
- That they typically carried a message, and wanted my attention so they could deliver it
- Once I learned how to communicate and understand the message, the feeling abated
- The more I did this process and allowed myself to follow the “guidance” I found from those places, the more success and peace I felt. I began to feel confidence grow within me.
In February of 2008, Robert approached me about apprenticing under him. I accepted this opportunity with some excitement and curiosity. Here I began to learn how giving space to emotion worked, how flow wasn’t a concept of esoteric use, but a practical tool that makes a huge difference in emotional regulation and responsiveness to Life, and that we need to make space to give what we feel “space to breathe”, especially grief. I began to also find within myself a desire to do something beyond the IT administration job I was in. I felt as though I had something to contribute to others in a deeper, meaningful way.
Stepping into My Unknown
May 14th, 2008 I told my then-wife that I intended to resign my position on the 1st of June and begin to venture into this field of coaching. I was a touch ill-prepared, both in skills and business management, and in understanding my core motivation. I was blind to a fear of responsibility. That fear was pushing me towards a path that would both change my life radically, but also prove my greatest teacher.
Later in May, I met Robert Bilton through an online Abundance course I enrolled in. As I did his process and reviewed his materials regarding relationships, I felt like a piece of my puzzle was coming into place. His grasp of the basic fundamentals of how relationships function in healthy and unhealthy ways enticed my senses and mind. I wanted to understand what he did. He took me into his training soon after I completed that abundance course and I began to learn through helping him expand those courses with practical tools to facilitate healing and release. I learned:
- The importance of communication
- How compatibility becomes the reason to have a relationship, not love
- How compatibility works and what it looks like
- A paradigm of the world based on how people mutually fulfill each others wants and needs
- A parenting paradigm built on the premise of respect and responsibility that allows the parent raise adults, not children
- Personality types and learning styles
And Into the Present
The time between Then and Now has brought me both personal experience, professional opportunity and more training in the dynamic of being Happy and being Loving. I’ve discovered:
- Empathy is the hub from which all healthy relationships spawn and maintain themselves. Love is a product of Empathy
- Vulnerability is essential to such expansion
- Shame is a core concept that requires reformation, exposure through vulnerability and transformation by the touch of Empathy
- Compatibility functions at the core level of being able to see another for who they are and freely acknowledge where they will and won’t work for you in your life
- Emotions are valuable, but not an a rational authority in our life. Our intellect, intuition, and comprehension ought to be.
- Difference does not require a conflict to follow. Difference has both negative and positive compliments depending on the those involved.
- Integrity is the mesh-work we attach and operate everything else from. If we fail to walk our talk, of what value is our offering?
- Prosperity is available to each of us, but we must align our minds and emotions with how it works in order to gain its benefits
- Self love is discovered in the darkness of the “soul”, the shadows of the hurt, an the heat of the rage. It is our pain that requires our love and compassion. Not our love that requires pain’s submission.
A Breakdown of My Training
- 2 years apprenticeship under Robert Woo (shaman); 12 months in phone-based training; 12 months in application with guidance/review sessions. I trained in:
- Tapping into the emotion, the body sensation, and listening/calling forth the message it has for me
- Giving space to feelings we carry
- Tapping into and releasing trauma from the body
- Using spiritual and metaphysical concepts in the material world to facilitate exploration and discovery of new ideas and achievements
- Compassion and grief coaching
- Journey and Inner-world work
- 2.5 years apprenticeship in Relationship Dynamics with Dr. Robert Bilton (relationship therapist out of Manitoba Canada)
- Studied the elements of effective communication (honesty, transparency, kindness, empathy, negotiation)
- Value hierarchies
- Needs and wants valuation
- Boundaries and healthy yes’s and no’s
- Brene Brown’s “Shame Resilience” course and materials
- Mastery in the Sedona Method
- Independent study on various topics
- Sexual Healing
- Real love and relating
- Self discovery
- Rational risk-taking
- Ordained and registered Minister with the Universal Life Church headquartered in Sacramento, CA
- I act as a Minister during all sessions and communications with clients. This ensures all communications with clients are privileged and confidential (according to Idaho State Law)
- I am also available for wedding and burial ceremonies
On-going and Current Training
- Gay Hendricks Institute relationship theory and approaches
- The Work by Byron Katie
- Marshall Rosenberg’s Non-violent Communication