I coach in what I've experienced. I began taking private clients June 1st, 2008. I've served hundreds of clients all over the world. I presently have an 89% success rate - success being defined as major progress towards the client's objective or successful achievement of the objective.
Research found that the 11% that did not succeed were not doing their homework!
Previous to coaching, I spent 16 years in corporate IT and self-employ in the computer/Information technology field.
Some of My Story:
Childhood emotional neglect was my prominent experience. My parents came from deeply broken homes, and having never understood the love they needed, they were unable to communicate and share that with their children. They struggled to share with each other their core needs, and often experienced verbally (and sometimes physically) violent conflicts.
Tragedy struck when my mother was diagnosed with brain cancer and died a week short of my 11th birthday. My father promptly remarried, subjecting myself and my siblings to the mental abuse from a woman struggling deeply with her own demons and unresolved emotional trauma.
My teen years were spent avoiding sexual and emotional shame due to familial and religious conditioning. I faced suicide four times during this period as I wrestled with the dark, tormenting demons within my head and heart.
Codependent relating became my normal after my mother's death. I quickly learned that pleasing my step-mother bought me a respite from her irrational rages and tantrums, and that I could relax from "walking on egg-shells" around her for a bit. I quickly learned, though, that I was expected to be the adult and parent in the relationship, and she expected to be cared for and rescued.
I became a professional at fixing, rescuing and avoiding. I would fix and rescue others while avoiding my own deep shame, emptiness, longings, needs and wants. Boundaries became a violent experience/ They were frequently attacked by religious leaders and parents. They were also used to punish and control me as the boundaries were only towards me because I did not please them. I also found myself feeling startled and confused when others would erect boundaries and show disappointment in my codependent and avoidant behaviors. I wasn't sure "what I did wrong", as I thought what I was doing was normal.
I quickly began avoiding emotionally intimate and revealing relationships. I didn't date women I was attracted to out of fear of being exposed. I couldn't imagine anyone would want someone that was so "disgusting" inside.
I wallowed in my own sense of being a victim, powerless in my relationships, and hopeless in finding and feeling love. I blamed others for my anger and my resentment of being overlooked, unwanted, and unloved.
This changed in 2007 when I started to see how I was valued for who I was in my IT administration career. People liked me, and seemed to enjoy me. They were happy to see me and enjoyed my company.
I was also beginning to face my marriage's problems at this point. I was seeing that I wasn't in love with my then-wife and I wanted a change. I wanted to have a thriving, connected relationship with a woman.
I sought out help through a healing coaching program. Over the course of 12 weeks, I found myself facing that deep shame and self-hate. I wanted to die, but also wanted to live. I reached out to my coach at the time and he connected me with Robert Woo Du-An (www.sevenhawks.com).
This started a two-year apprenticeship under Robert. We explored my own trauma and emotions. We mastered how to make space for such trauma and feelings for others. We dove deep into retrieving the exiled aspects of myself and bringing them home. This meant a deep practice in holding space for my pain. I learned how to bring compassion into places I, frankly, hated at the time. I found myself beginning to "thaw" from my trauma and feel again in deep ways.
About 7 months into my apprenticeship, I met Robert Bilton. He's a retired relationship therapist out of Manitoba, Canada. I started training in Relationship Dynamics under his guidance and coaching. We explored the fundamentals of healthy relationships, how to make conflict work for those involved in the relationship, what compatibility is and how to detect it, and ways to build connection and intimacy that honor your true nature. Him and I spent two years in these topics.
These apprenticeships transformed my emotions, my mindsets, and my sense of self. I learned how to heal trauma, how to navigate relating with love and honesty, and why codependency wasn't an identity, but actually a coping mechanism.
These days you'll find me enjoying some EDM at a local club, tinkering on a car, Netflixing a new series, working in Minecraft with my Son, or making slime with my daughter. I live in Nampa, Idaho currently.
Here's A Breakdown of My Training With Robert Woo Du-An (January 2008 - January 2010):
Here's My Training with Robert Bilton (August of 2008-January 2011):
Independent Training (Current):
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