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4 Gems For Your Journey

Talking with a few clients today brought out some deep gems I want to share with you:

1) Codependency often focuses on us tailoring our behavior in hopes of getting a specific response from the other person. This is a disconnection from our true voice and innate value.

Basically, if things don’t go how we hoped, we feel like a failure, or worse, worthless and unlovable. This is how people-pleasing gets us trapped as we’re not aligned with ourselves. We’re not communicating who we are in a direct, clear, or simple way and we’re not finding out the reality of the relationship with this person.

We’re sending false signals of our intentions and preferences and we’re not discovering what is real.

Showing up as who we want to be in a situation, rather than trying to get a specific outcome, gives us truth. It reveals the relationship in honest ways and allows us to respond to it from sobriety and integrity. That way what happens informs us rather than defines us.

2) We are under no obligation to keep or stay in a relationship even if they’re changing their behavior. Relationships are contingent upon consent and privilege, not obligation and entitlement. Their change doesn’t obligate you to anything. Follow what you WANT and what you are happy living with.

3) All the feelings, judgments, etc that you may feel in a moment are welcome. They do not require judgment or critique or analysis. It is ok to be jealous, to be scared, to be angry, to be numb. Whatever shows up is welcome.

This is real love and acceptance in practice. And it is essential to healthy relating with ourselves.

4) Attachment is injured in relationship and it is healed in relationship. This includes relationship with yourself. Go gently with it. There is no rush or timetable. Secure attachment is developed as we feel safer sharing and navigating our anxious, avoidant, and disorganized aspects of attachment.
May these add to your journey.

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