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Stop Fixing Yourself & Start Loving Yourself.

Do This By Liberating Yourself From Codependency.

LEARN HOW WITH CODEPENDENCY EXPERT,

Marshall Burtcher

Stop Fixing Yourself & Start Loving Yourself.

Do This By Liberating Yourself From Codependency.

LEARN HOW WITH CODEPENDENCY EXPERT,

Marshall Burtcher

THE ESSENTIAL CODEPENDENCY HEALING TRAININGS

Codependency is not a permanent state of being in your life. To heal, you need to know how to cultivate 8 specific elements in your daily life.

Learn and master the 8 essential skills and practices that liberate you from codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism in my 8-week live course, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings.

Classes start March 12, 2023. Click below to learn more and secure your seat!

The Codependency Assessment

Take my free 5-minute Codependency Assessment and discover how much codependency is influecing your daily life.

The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop

Codependency is not permanent.  Fixing yourself is not necessary.  Having a life you enjoy living, loving yourself, and having healthy relationships is utterly achievable for you.

Learn about the 8 Factors that end codependency while creating peace, freedom, and well-being in my free workshop.

We start April 26, 2023. Get your seat below!

THE ESSENTIAL CODEPENDENCY HEALING TRAININGS

Codependency is not a permanent state of being in your life. To heal, you need to know how to cultivate 8 specific elements in your daily life.

Learn and master the 8 essential skills and practices that liberate you from codependency, people-pleasing, and perfectionism in my 8-week live course, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings.

Classes start March 12, 2023. Click below to learn more and secure your seat!

The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently While Creating Peace And Well-being Workshop

Codependency is not permanent.  Fixing yourself is not necessary.  Having a life you enjoy living, loving yourself, and having healthy relationships is utterly achievable for you.

Learn about the 8 Factors that end codependency while creating peace, freedom, and well-being in my free workshop.

We start February 22, 2023. Get your seat below!

The Codependency Assessment

Take my free 5-minute Codependency Assessment and discover how much codependency is influecing your daily life.

The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently While Creating Peace And Well-being Workshop

Codependency is not permanent.  Fixing yourself is not necessary.  Having a life you enjoy living, loving yourself, and having healthy relationships is utterly achievable for you.

Learn about the 8 Factors that end codependency while creating peace, freedom, and well-being in my free workshop.

We start April 26, 2023. Get your seat below!

As Featured On:

MY WORK, TRAININGS, AND TEACHINGS HAVE IMPACTED

7500+*

PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU WORLDWIDE

*This number includes paid trainings and downloads of free materials

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HOW IS CODEPENDENCY SHOWING UP IN YOUR LIFE?

Codependency can be hidden in our daily life interactions because we often believe what we’re doing is “normal” and not codependent.

Take my quick assessment and discover how much codependency is showing up in your daily life.

Click below to start now:

UPCOMING WORKSHOPS & TRAININGS

DISCOVER THE EIGHT FACTORS THAT HEAL CODEPENDENCY PERMANENTLY

Starts APRIL 26, 2023

Codependency is not permanent.  Fixing yourself is not necessary.  Having a life you enjoy living, loving yourself, and having healthy relationships is utterly achievable for you.

Learn about the 8 Factors that make this happen in your life in my 1-day workshop.

You will learn:

  • What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing
  • The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness
  • The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy
 

Workshop Details:

Date:  April 26, 2023

Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (taught twice for your convenience)

Length: Roughly two hours, 30 minutes

Investment: Free

Grab your seat by clicking below!

THE ESSENTIAL CODEPENDENCY HEALING TRAININGS

Starts MAy 14, 2023

Get the essential knowledge, tools, and how-to’s that end codependency.

Even if you’re in therapy or have done years of self-help work, you can rapidly experience lasting relief, peace, and freedom from the shame, emptiness, and fear that drives your codependency.

This is achieved through eight in-depth live trainings:

  • Module One: Origin of Codependency And Regulation
  • Module Two: Emotional Care and Capacity Care
  • Module Three: Personal Power
  • Module Four: Foundation of Self-Trust
  • Module Five: Fantasy and Reality
  • Module Six:  Real Worth Discovery
  • Module Seven: Foundation of Knowing Yourself
  • Module Eight: Safe People, Trust & Resourcing
 
Join this 8-week live taught set of trainings that give you the how-to that makes your healing real and lasting.
 
Price: $149.00
 
Start Date: Sunday, May 14, 2023
 
Class Time: 12pm Mountain Time
 

Enrollment opens April 1, 2023

THE HEAL YOUR CODEPENDENCY MEMBERSHIP

ENROLLMENT OPENS
MAy 29, 2023 - June 7, 2023

Join the world’s most comprehensive codependency healing system that connects you with fellow students doing the work, support communities that help you through it, and deep support and healing.

This is available in two membership options:  Full Access and Core Access.

The Heal Your Codependency Full Access Membership connects you to:

  • The Codependency Healing System: The 35-week live taught healing system that takes you from codependency to well-being, connection, and peace
  • The Specialized Focus Trainings that take you deep in healing, mastery, and growth of your well-being
  • The Directed Emotion Processing Sessions that help you heal your pain at their roots, bringing more peace
  • The Facilitations that help you master new habits, skills, and tools, giving you the power to create more peace and freedom in your daily life
  • Specialized communities that support you in every step of your healing
  • Twice-a-week Live Support Calls
 
Pricing For Full Access:
 
  • Monthly: $125
  • Yearly: $997
  • Forever Access: $2000
 
The Core Access Membership Gets you:
 
  • Live seat to the 2023 Season of The Codependency Healing System
  • Access to the class recordings
  • The Twice-A-week Live Support Calls

 

Pricing For Core Access:

  • Price: $49.00 a month
  • Disabled or make under $25,000:  $25.00 a month

 

Enrollment is highly limited (50 seats at a time) and is open only a few times a year.

 

Get on the wait list to get your opportunity to enroll by clicking below.

HEALING THAT CREATES PEACE IN THE PROCESS

DISCOVER THE EIGHT FACTORS THAT HEAL CODEPENDENCY PERMANENTLY

April 26, 2023

Codependency is not permanent.  Fixing yourself is not necessary.  Having a life you enjoy living, loving yourself, and having healthy relationships is utterly achievable for you.

Learn about the 8 Factors that make this happen in your life in my 1-day workshop.

You will learn:

  • What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing
  • The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness
  • The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy
 

Workshop Details:

Date:  April 26, 2023

Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (taught twice for your convenience)

Length: Roughly two hours, 30 minutes

Investment: Free

Grab your seat by clicking below!

THE essential CODEPENDENCY HEALING TRAININGS

may 14, 2023

Get the essential knowledge, tools, and how-to’s that end codependency.

Even if you’re in therapy or have done years of self-help work, you can rapidly experience lasting relief, peace, and freedom from the shame, emptiness, and fear that drives your codependency.

This is achieved through eight in-depth live trainings:

  • Module One: Origin of Codependency And Regulation
  • Module Two: Emotional Care and Capacity Care
  • Module Three: Personal Power
  • Module Four: Foundation of Self-Trust
  • Module Five: Fantasy and Reality
  • Module Six:  Real Worth Discovery
  • Module Seven: Foundation of Knowing Yourself
  • Module Eight: Safe People, Trust & Resourcing
 
Join this 8-week live taught set of trainings that give you the how-to that makes your healing real and lasting.
 
Price: $149.00
 
Start Date: Sunday, May 14, 2023
 
Class Time: 12pm Mountain Time
 

Enrollment opens April 1, 2023

THE CODEPENDENCY HEALING SYSTEM

This is my comprehensive healing codependency system. It covers the 8 essential factors that end your dependence on codependent behaviors to feel safe, have connection, and feel worthy and lovable through 39 in-depth trainings that are supported by twice-a-week live group support calls.

Specifically, The Codependency Healing System teaches you the skills and helps you get the experience you need to thrive without codependency. This includes how to:

  • Trust yourself again
  • Feel safe in your life and being yourself
  • Soothe and care for your trauma and pain
  • Nurture your needs into fulfillment
  • Create and maintain real connections that are safe and nurturing
  • Know, love, and be who you are without the paralyzing fear and shame from abuse
  • Love and enjoy who you are
  • Heal the trauma bond
  • Heal the neglect you’ve endured
  • Heal the crazy-making
 

You leave The Codependency Healing System with the knowledge, support, and experience that creates healthy relationships, healthy self-love, purpose, and power in your daily life. This is where codependency is ended and your well-being and happiness is unleashed.

The Codependency Healing System is part of the Heal Your Codependency Membership system.

Get on the waitlist to get notified when enrollment opens by clicking below:

Resources For Your Healing & Journey

THE
COMMUNITY

Healing and thriving without codependency requires healthy, consistent, and reliable connection with others.
 
The Community aims to create such a shelter where you are:
 
  • Supported in discovering life without codependency & navigating the complexities that arise
  • Given access to free trainings, tools, and practices to help you succeed faster
  • Celebrated in your discoveries and successes and supported in your frustrations and challenges
 

Come join us and discover real support for real healing.

 

TOOLS & RESOURCE LIBRARY

Need practices, tools, and information that actually works and is relevant to what you’re facing right now?

Check out the variety of tools, trainings, and guides I’ve created for students, clients, and The Community.

Included are:

  • Tools for soothing anxiety and distress
  • Guides for discerning reality (sane making), healthy relationships, and keeping you sober
  • Practices for emotional healing, integration, and expansion
  • And much, much more

 

All of these are freely available.

Check Out The Latest From Marshall

The Latest Posts

Anxiety
Marshall Burtcher

Moving Beyond Ill-intent

#thrivingbeyondcodependency #advancedemotionalcare What I share below is an advanced form of emotional relating. It is a work in progress in my own life, something I

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For me, relationship has no inherent purpose. A relationship`s purpose is whatever I give it. This shift from "relationships have (x) purpose" has helped me create and maintain relationships that are meaningful to me. I get to know a person, not a purpose, and get to know the experience of "us" rather than trying to make it fulfill some kind of purpose.

Remember, relationships are with people - not concepts. Let`s get to know people.

#codependency #narcissism #healing #healthyrelationships
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161 6

"I love you anyway..."

I say to the part of me that sees a big success for another and judges his own as small, meager, and himself as possibly irrelevant.

"I love you anyway..."

He resists, then begins to melt into the relief and freedom that cradles him as he lets in what he really needed: reassurance he`s loved anyway. No conditions. No limits. Only love.

"I love you anyway..."
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*Updated to clarify*

A thought:

The rush to forgive is a rush to fix. Consider slowing down, accessing and understanding your feelings about what is happening. Let your feelings be the first priority, especially the pain you felt in response to the behaviors the other person did.

This allows you to acknowledge when things hurt, when things don`t feel safe, and when things are upsetting.

This aligns yourself with you rather than regulation of the other person or trying to "fix" things so a lack of conflict can exist (which is NOT peace, just a stalemate).
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Discerning if your activated state is a trigger or a reaction to an active danger or unsafe situation is a step in restoring one`s sanity and safety.

We do this by looking at the facts of the situation while NOT dismissing, shaming, or ignoring the reaction we`re experiencing.

All reactions are VALID and REAL as they come from lived experience in the past.

What does need to be assessed is if the reaction is RELEVANT to the situation at hand. This helps the person discern reality and care for their well-being and safety.

Use this quick-list to help create clarity in your situations.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

TRIGGER/ACTIVATION

- You can determine that there is no actual threat happening by looking at the facts of the - situation and people involved; your reaction assumes a certain situation, but the facts point to - a different reality
- They haven`t violated your boundaries
- They do not name-call, attack, diminish, or deny you or your reality
- They haven`t questioned your sense of reality or the event (no gaslighting)
- They are warm and available to how you feel about what happened
- They have a pattern of warmth, responsiveness, and being present with you
- After outlining the situation, you can see there was no threat
- The intensity and reaction seems to come out of nowhere
- If this is happening, your reactions have a rational cause, but may not be relevant to the current situation

UNSAFE SITUATION

- You feel anxious, uneasy, or unsafe and can point to behaviors that led to that feeling
- Your body is being attacked or threatened
- Your emotions and experience are attacked, threatened, belittled, diminished, or ignored
- The person has a pattern of being cold or indifferent to you
- The person is frequently aggressive towards you
- The person frequently gaslights and questions your perception
- You`re not allowed to take space, disengage, and regulate yourself
- Boundaries are violated
- Consent is not obtained
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* Updated to enhance and clarify*

Green and red flags do not cancel each other out. Red flags take priority every time.

And remember: red means stop, danger, do not proceed forward.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

GREEN FLAGS (demonstrated as a pattern)

- They respect boundaries
- They give reasonable compliments
- You feel safe being yourself
- They ask questions about your day, your life, your feelings
- They offer empathy, understanding, care
- Asks what you want
- Accepts your yes`s and no`s
- Kindly confronts concerns and problems
- Has a life outside the relationship
- Engages with you proactively
- Believes you
- Has integrity and is honest
- Manages own feelings, needs, and asks for what they want
- Relationship is grounded in reality

RED FLAGS (demonstrated as a pattern)

- Violates and ignores boundaries
- You feel like you`re walking on eggshells
- Love-bombs you
- Tends to be focused on themselves, ignores your life
- Dismisses your complaints
- Doesn`t listen; assumes a lot
- Lacks accountability and integrity
- Lacks personal interests and goals outside of having a relationship
- You do the emotional and relational labor; they don`t
- You feel frequently drained and emptied
- They blame others; always a victim
- Projects or avoids problems
- Abuse of any kind
- Euphoria and fantasy making

#codependency #narcissism #healing #healthyrelationships
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PROVING/EARNING WORTH vs ANCHORED WORTH

Codependency has us seeking our worth through earning, proving, or validation. This assumes others have authority over our worth.

In my work, one`s indomitable, innate, invulnerable worth is what they are made it. It is an inherent part of themselves.

This quick-list helps you start discerning between being anchored in your worth and seeking it outside yourself.

Note: Quick-lists are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

PROVING/EARNING WORTH

- Seeks a sense of value and worth through productivity and achievement
- Performance is the go-to solution when feeling inadequate or having a need for feeling loved
- Outcomes define one`s worth
- Approval feels like love
- Rejection feels devastating to one`s sense of self
- Defines self according to the preferences and likes of others
- Sensations: A strong impulse to take on lots of responsibilities, to be a high performer, to strive for perfection; deep sense of insecurity, impostor syndrome, and inadequacy
- Behaviors: Taking on lots of responsibility, play is avoided, perfectionistic expectations, workaholic

ANCHORED WORTH

- Experiences a felt-sense sensation of worth as a person
- Engages in play, creativity, rest
- Uses work and productivity as a way to share who they are, not define who they are
- Attuned to one`s sense of capacity, wants, needs, and limits
- Enjoys being themselves
- Rejection and approval are regarded as information about the experience, not definition of who they are
- Sensations: Sense of joy in being themselves; work brings joy, as does play and rest; curious and creative
- Behaviors: Respects their limits, their successes and failures, owns their value and worth, cares for wants, needs, pain, and joy; allows failure to happen and curiosity to guide them

#codependency #healing #relationships
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95 2

We often apologize for things that do no warrant such a thing.

This come from guilt for existing, taking up space, consuming resources, or just being one`s self. This guilt was LEARNED through the feedback others gave to you about yourself and those things you desired or did. Because of the role they had in your world, you believed they were right. This inspired the guilt (or even shame) that you feel in relationship to yourself.

That guilt was not innately part of you. It is programmed.

What shifts if you trust, just a bit, that the guilt is false?

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

APOLOGIZE WHEN...

- To help create repair when there`s been a hurt or impact you didn`t intent
- You violated an agreement you made with another

DON`T APOLOGIZE FOR...

- Taking up space
- Existing
- Expressing yourself
- Asking for something
- Asserting yourself
- Putting yourself first
- Being different
- Disappointing others
- Choosing what works for you
- For saying no
- For saying yes
- For being happy
- For being sad
- For being upset
- For having needs
- For having feelings
- For having wants
- For being
- For leaving toxic things
- For your boundaries

#codependency #narcissism #mentalhealth #boundaries
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250 6

Keeping ourselves is a habit we have to consciously cultivate and make a deliberate part of our day-to-day living, as the habit of abandoning ourselves is likely profoundly automatic at first.

This practice will challenge us to navigate anxiety, uncertainty, and changes in how relationships function for us. This is normal and expected. Take time to cultivate and nurture nervous system regulation, emotional care, and other tools to help you adapt to and navigate the world as you embody your personhod.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

ABANDONING YOURSELF

- Acting out of integrity with your personal values and principles
- Keeping quiet when you need to speak up for yourself
- Condemning or judging your efforts and person as less-than
- Obligating yourself to standards that others expect or that are not aligned with your well-being and happiness
- Seeking validation from others of your feelings and experiences before believing yourself
- Hiding, suppressing, or ignoring your emotions about things
- Denying or avoiding your needs, wants, and boundaries
- Pushing past your capacity on a regular basis
- Violating your boundaries for temporary discomfort

KEEPING YOURSELF

- Keeping your choices and actions aligned with your intention, worth, and reality
- Speaking up on your behalf
- Celebrating and respecting your person, nature, efforts, and discoveries
- Following principles and standards that you`ve chosen because they expand and empower your life
- Believing and trusting the legitimacy of your lived experiences and emotions
- Sharing emotions with appropriate people at appropriate times
- Prioritizing your needs and wants despite other people`s disappointment
- Respecting and following your capacity
- Trusting and following your boundaries

#codependency #mentalhealth #healthyliving #healthyrelationships #selfesteem
...

103 2

Knowing what to do when a codependent impulse shows up is how we quickly transition and master new habits and are able to safely leave behind the codependent habits for getting our needs met.

This quick-list offers several pointers you can begin to employ in your daily life.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE...

Pleasing someone so you feel accepted or loved... DO THIS IN ITS PLACE... Retrieve your worth by asking, "what shifts if I trust, just a bit, that my worth doesn`t depend on their love or approval?"

Being judgmental or critical of yourself... DO THIS IN ITS PLACE... Praise and appreciate your efforts and discoveries

Ignoring your own needs... DO THIS IN ITS PLACE... Ask yourself what you need to feel safe enough to ask for what you want

Seeking validation and approval from others... DO THIS IN ITS PLACE... Turn inward and trust, just a bit, in your innate worth

Fix or care-take other people`s feelings or problems... DO THIS IN ITS PLACE... Acknowledge the discomfort you feel at their situation and allow yourself to observe rather than involve yourself

#codependency #narcissism #healing #healthyrelationships
...

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The Fixing Trap

Have you ever thought to yourself, "this feeling should not be, so I must get rid of it by correctly what causes it."

Have you ever tried to change what someone else is feeling so you could ease your own discomfort about their emotions?

Have you ever thought it was your responsibility to change someone else so they’ll be "happier"?
Have you tried to change who you are in order to fit in, conform, or avoid rejection?

These are all expressions of the Fixing Trap. Learn why this happens and how to free yourself from in my this month`s Codependency Recovery Council Article.

Click the link in the bio to read.

#codependency #narcissism #healing
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24 2

Discerning Euphoria from real love is critical to keeping ourselves in healthy boundaries, understanding what is driving our attraction to someone, and being able to determine if we`re operating from real love.

Use my quick-list below to help guide you in discerning if you`re coming from real love or euphoria in your relationships.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

EUPHORIA

Based on "what if`s"
- Magnifies the few good moments in the relationship
- Consumes your thoughts and energy
- Motivates you to violate or abandon your own boundaries and well-being
- Your mind becomes willing to "give it all" to them
- You feel like you`re finally complete because of them
- Your body is tense, full of adrenaline, and exhausted
- Ignores the pain, the bad behaviors
- Creates excuses for their bad behaviors (i.e. it`s their trauma, bad day, etc.)
- Chronically feeling empty and chasing the next hit

REAL LOVE

- Supports you being yourself
- Empowers boundaries
- Respects your no and yes
- Remarks on your dreams, desires, your feelings
- Enjoys time in your presence and space
- Asks of you things in kind and safe ways
- Makes difference and disagreement safe
- Respects differences
- Understands when you change your mind
- Asks and inquires rather than assumes
- Honest, direct, clear, and simple
- Says no honestly
- Sees the person as they are
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218 3

If it wasn`t safe to show your vulnerability, your limits, your struggles, your questions, in your family home and culture, you won`t know yourself. You`ll only know who to be that promotes approval or, at the least, prevents more harm or rejection.

The way back to yourself starts with first acknowledging that it hasn`t been safe to be you. This allows you to connect with the rejected and exiles aspects of yourself and start healing that pain.

#codependency #healing #mentalheath #narcissisticabuse
...

168 1

There are two commitments that create lasting freedom and healing.
They help you construct new, healthy relating habits and protect you from relapsing into unhealthy relationships and habits.

COMMITMENT ONE: Honesty with yourself and others. This involves being able and willing to acknowledge what you feel, what you are experiencing, and seeing reality. This involves the end of fantasy making and hopeful thinking.

This means acknowledging the pain you’re feeling, their abusive and neglectful behavior, your ignoring of the patterns in the relationship.

This means ending fantasies of changing them, of their potential, and it means being honest with what is actually happening.

COMMITMENT TWO: Loyalty to your well-being first. Relationships do not require the loss of your Self, your well-being, your sanity. The real work in healthy relationships is building connection and understanding. This starts with loyalty to yourself.

Put your well-being first, choose according to what adds to your well-being, and you’ll find yourself more and more free from codependent surviving.

#codependency #narcissism #mentalhealth #boundaries
...

232 4

Struggling to heal and find real peace?

You may be missing an essential (or several essential) factor in your healing work.

The 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently will teach you exactly what you need to heal codependency while creating real well-being, peace, and freedom in your daily life.

These 8 factors are the secret to the success my students have in experiencing relief from shame, fear, and isolation that drives their codependency, and enjoy more peace, connection, and fulfillment.

You see, codependency is how you survived the hurt, harm, and chaos of unhealthy relationships. It helped you get to this day.

But maybe now you want peace. You want love. You want freedom to be yourself.

This is utterly achievable for you. But codependency cannot get you there.

What you need is a new way of living and relating to yourself, life, and others.

This new way needs to help you know, love, and care for yourself. It needs to help you shift how you relate to rejection, acceptance, connection, and belonging. It needs to help you experience more safety, connection, and worth without giving yourself up in the process.

This is what I teach in the 8 Factors That Heal Codependency Permanently Workshop.

In this 1-day workshop, I will show you:

1) What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is and how that unlocks permanent healing

2) The 3 Necessities that drive your well-being and happiness

3) The 8 factors that end codependency permanently while creating a life you enjoy

You will also receive your opportunities to enroll in my 8-week foundation Live training, The Essential Codependency Healing Trainings. These trainings guide through implementing the essential practices and concepts that nurture the 8 Factors of Well-being in your daily life.

Here are the workshop details:

Date: February 22, 2023

Class Time: 11am and 6pm Mountain Time (I teach it twice for your convenience)

Investment: Free

Replay Availability: The replay will be available February 23, 2023

Come join us and let`s discover together your new path and healing.

Click the link in the bio to sign up!
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Patterns of behavior will tell you the truth. They show you what will happen and they establish the premise of what you can predict with a person.

Promises and words that do not align with patterns of behavior tell you the person lacks strong integrity and accountability and will not be reliable or safe for you.

#codependency #healing #narcissism
...

229 7

Confusing being needed for being loved is extremely common with codependency.

This happens because you`ve been largely praised, appreciated, and given attention for solving their problems or care-taking their emotions and needs.

This feels really good at first, especially if you`ve been chronically emotionally and relationally starved. It can feel like love.

This is a transactional form of relationship where you are doing the emotional labor for them in exchange for their temporary approval and attention.

One is left empty, feeling worthless, and possibly resentment and angry when this is their chronic experience in relationships.

Use this quick-list to help you discern if you`re seeking to get love by being needed or actually being loved.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

NEED TO BE NEEDED

- You believe they need you to rescue them
- You place them come first over and over your well-being
- You and they do not value your needs
- Feeling lovable, worthy, and valuable is fused with being needed
- Your sense of self is entangled with being the person that helps and fixes
- You feel lost without someone to fix or focus on
- You feel invisible or non-existent when you`re not needed
- Sensations: Feel empty and invisible; anxiety about other people`s problems; fear about not being needed; resentment, low self-worth; feel a rush when someone needs you
- Behaviors: Involving yourself in their problems; taking on responsibility for their feelings; suppressing your emotions and needs; you may seek out problems to solve

NEED TO BE LOVED

- A desire to connect and know someone else and be known by them
- Feeling appreciated, cared for, and nurtured
- Valued for your presence and being & self-expression
- Boundaries recognized, valued, honored
- Attentive to your emotional well-being, freedom, individuality
- Enjoying and investing time and attention with you
- Being heard, validated, and recognized
- Sensations: Warmth, connection, presence
...

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A well-being habit:

I tolerate the temporary discomfort of saying no in exchange for long-term peace of mind and clarity.

#codependency #narcissism #healthyrelationships #boundaries
...

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Being able to discern between healthy and unhealthy relationship signals is crucial to choosing who you build bonds and commitments with.

Use the below criteria to help guide you in your relationship experiences.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

- Consistently demonstrate they care about the well-being of all involved
- Are attentive and actively listens
- Are empathetic and caring
- Encourages healthy action
- Respect individuality
- Make it a safe and empowering space to be seen
- Are direct, clear, and simple with communication
- See & believe in the inherent goodness of all involved
- Practice of healthy boundaries
- Patterns of follow through in commitments
- Have patterns of accountability for mistakes and impact
- Have patterns of repair

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

- Are erratic or unreliable
- Are defensive, resistant to accountability
- Try to fix and change the other
- Violate boundaries over and over
- Lack empathy or concern for well-being of all involved
- Have patterns of criticism & being dismissive
- Lack reliable chemistry, interest, play, intimacy
- Have patterns of intermittent engagement (i.e. only when sex is wanted)
- Lack accountability
- May have patterns of abuse

Persistent patterns of the behaviors shared in each column are what denote if it is healthy or not; it is the PATTERN that matters, not the positive anomalies.

#codependency #healing #healthyrelationships
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What shifts when you trust, just a bit, it is ok to put yourself first?

This helps you explore your experience beyond the current conclusions you may hold about putting yourself first.

Write down what you discover and use that to help direct your growth and healing further.

#codependency #wellbeing #healthyrelationships #selftrust
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29 1

Being valued vs being valuable. ...

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The Podcast