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Codependency Isn't Who You Are. It Is How You Survived.

Now Learn To Thrive.

LEARN HOW WITH CODEPENDENCY EXPERT,

Marshall Burtcher

Codependency Isn't Who You Are. It Is How You Survived.

Now Learn To Thrive.

LEARN HOW WITH CODEPENDENCY EXPERT,

Marshall Burtcher

Decoding Codependency Workshop: Detecting Safe People

Discover the 8 core signals healthy, safe people give off and how to evaluate your relationships to see if they're safe, unavailable, or toxic. You'll walk away from this workshop knowing how to choose safe people.

We start October 26, 2022! Click below to get your free seat!

As Featured On:

MY WORK, TRAININGS, AND TEACHINGS HAVE IMPACTED

7500+*

PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU WORLDWIDE

*This number includes paid trainings and downloads of free materials

BEGIN HERE:

HOW IS CODEPENDENCY SHOWING UP IN YOUR LIFE?

Codependency can be hidden in our daily life interactions because we often believe what we’re doing is “normal” and not codependent.

Take my quick assessment and discover how much codependency is showing up in your daily life.

Click below to start now:

DISCOVER THE ORIGIN OF CODEPENDENCY, 6 HABITS OF CODEPENDENCY, & HOW TO SHIFT THEM

Abuse, neglect, and the resulting codependent behaviors do not have to be permanent.

Learn how to take back control and power in this 3-hour workshop.

You will learn:

  • What the actual cause of codependent behaviors is (hint: it is not a disease or an identity!)
  • What heals the cause of codependency permanently
  • The 3 Necessities and how they’re crucial to your healing and well-being
  • The 3-step practice that helps you meet your desires and needs without codependency
 

Workshop Details:

Availability: On-demand 24/7

Length: 2 hours, 5 minutes

Cost: Free

Start your healing journey by joining right now!

HEAL FOR REAL

Take the 5-day workshop and begin healing

I teach you the four essential practices you need for successful healing of and freedom from codependency. 

Here’s what you will learn:

  • Practice One: How to sooth your anxiety and tension
  • Practice Two: How to begin trusting yourself again
  • Practice Three: How to befriend and believe the legitimacy of your emotions and lived experience
  • Practice Four: How to access, know, and feel your real, innate worth
 

Experience more peace, freedom, and self-worth tomorrow by starting today.

Click below to start today!

THE HEALING CODEPENDENCY ESSENTIAL TRAININGS

I guide you through mastering four essential codependency healing practices and decoding your codependent habits, fantasies, and retaking your power.
 

This course is taught in two parts.  Part One teaches you:

  • Training One: How to sooth your anxiety and tension
  • Training Two: How to begin trusting yourself again
  • Training Three: How to befriend and believe the legitimacy of your emotions and lived experience
  • Training Four: How to access, know, and feel your real, innate worth
 
Part Two Teaches you:
 
  • Training One: Identify your codependent behaviors, the needs that drive them, and then new behaviors to get those needs met
  • Training Two: Identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies
  • Training Three: Identify your Fawn Response and Soothe it
  • Training Four: Identify your personal power and personhood and take it back
 

Get the essential skills, tools, and knowledge for setting yourself free from codependency by enrolling today. Click below to learn more.

THE HEAL CODEPENDENCY SELF-STUDY SYSTEM

The Heal Codependency Self-Study SystemYstem guides you through mastering how to actually thrive without codependency.  I teach you how to:

  • Trust and value yourself
  • Build safety, sanity, and occupy your personal right to exist (aka sovereignty)
  • Know, love, and live life based on who you ARE, not who you’ve been programmed to be
  • Build happy, resilient relationships of all types based on compatibility, connection, and safety
 

This is where codependency is transformed into healthy, fulfilling interdependency.

Learn more by clicking below:

Upcoming Trainings

OCTOBER

DISCOVER THE STRUCTURE OF TRUST, THE 8 SIGNALS OF SAFE PEOPLE, AND HOW TO DETECT THEM

Detecting safe, trustworthy people can feel impossible, daunting, and very, very risky.   This does not have to be your experience.

When you know the 8 signals safe people give and the structure of trust, you will be a safe-people detector.

You will learn:

  • The structure of trust and how it shows up
  • The 8 signals that safe people give off
 

Workshop Details:

Date: October 26, 2022

Time: 11am and 6pm

Mountain Time (taught twice)

Cost: Free

Get your seat by clicking below!

Resources For Your Healing & Journey

THE
COMMUNITY

Healing and thriving without codependency requires healthy, consistent, and reliable connection with others.
 
The Community aims to create such a shelter where you are:
 
  • Supported in discovering life without codependency & navigating the complexities that arise
  • Given access to free trainings, tools, and practices to help you succeed faster
  • Celebrated in your discoveries and successes and supported in your frustrations and challenges
 

Come join us and discover real support for real healing.

 

TOOLS & RESOURCE LIBRARY

Need practices, tools, and information that actually works and is relevant to what you’re facing right now?

Check out the variety of tools, trainings, and guides I’ve created for students, clients, and The Community.

Included are:

  • Tools for soothing anxiety and distress
  • Guides for discerning reality (sane making), healthy relationships, and keeping you sober
  • Practices for emotional healing, integration, and expansion
  • And much, much more

 

All of these are freely available.

PODCAST & SUMMIT APPEARANCES

Wanting to learn more from Marshall?

Check out his guest appearances (past, present, and future) below.

Upcoming:

  • None scheduled
 
 

Past Appearances:

 

Check Out The Latest From Marshall

YouTube

Instagram

Codependency has a habit of tolerating toxic behavior patterns in hopes that such tolerance will help the other person change and act in more healthy ways.

This actually ends up enabling the toxic patterns while harming the well-being, safety, and health of all involved.

Understanding how toxic accommodation shows up and what it's healthy equivilent is can help you show up better for yourself and others.

Use this quick-list to help you deepen your awareness of toxic and healthy accommodation.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

TOXIC ACCOMMODATION

- You ignore your pain while maximizing the importance of their pain
- You ignore their responsibility for the outcomes they are creating with their choices and actions
- You enable their behavior by solving the problems they create from themselves
- You ignore your own boundaries and well-being in order to accommodate their toxic behaviors
- You take on debt, commitments, or agreements on their behalf
- You stop engaging in your life, your priorities, friendships, and desires to manage them
- They're the primary focus of your world

HEALTHY ACCOMMODATION

- You have clear boundaries about what you expect and clear agreements you and they have agreed to
- You let them inherit and solve the problems they create for themselves
- You point them to professional resources
- You execute boundaries as required by the agreements made
- You recognize and celebrate their successes and do not excuse their failures
- You let them solve their problems and take the actions needed for that to happen
- You are willing to let go of the relationship for your own health
- You focus on your life, relationships, and well-being first

#codependency #narcissist #trauma #relationships
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Unhealthy relationships come with strong positive anomalies.

Those anomalies do not equate to future potential.

Believe the patterns, not the anomalies. Those tell the truth.

#codependency #narcissism #relationships #mentalhealth #healing
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To cause or prevent: The Two Functions of Codependent Behaviors

Codependency functions from two types of behaviors: preventative and causal. Basically, this means we do certain codependent behaviors to either prevent something from happening or cause something to happen. More often, we're attempting to prevent a thing and cause another thing instead.

Knowing what we're trying to prevent and trying to cause can help us decode what needs we're trying to meet and how we're trying to do that.

An example: I fear being rejected by a person I really like. I start to shape-shift myself to them, aligning with their preferences in hopes they'll like me.

In this scenario, I am attempting to prevent rejection AND get them to like me.

This is how I'm attempting to meet my need for a sense of safety, connection, and value in relationship with that person.

Join this month's Decoding Codependency workshop by clicking the link in the bio!
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Perfectionism is a symptom of having one's identity and worth fused with one's behavior and output.

Differentiating and detangling one's self from one's results is a process of releasing shame, embracing boundaries, and deeply connecting with and embodying one's innate, sovereign worth.

It also entails incorporating a shift into discovery and curiosity as a way of life.

Use this quick-list to help guide in you in embracing your natural ability to discover and grow.

PERFECTIONISM

- Is frequently paralyzed by fear or anxiety when doing new or different things
- Outcomes determine worth
- Feels stuck, hopeless, or powerless
- Avoids risk and failure as much as possible
- High anxiety and depression are present
- Tries to control outside factors to feel safe
- Tries to do it all themselves
- Expectations that are unrealistic for outcomes and for self
- Shames and criticizes one's self
- Ignores successes, magnifies failures
- Tries to prevent rejection, failure, and other people's disappointment by being perfect

DISCOVERY & GROWTH

- Curious about outcomes
- Praises and appreciates one's efforts
- Invites discovery and allows outcomes to inform and teach them
- Accepts one's limitations
- Celebrates success, learns from failure
- Focuses sense of self on ability to learn rather than perform
- Seeks out appropriate, qualified help in areas they are seeking support in
- Practices self-care in failure and success
- Surrounds self with supportive, loving, honest people
- Their sense of worth emanates from their natural worthiness
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Codependency has you trying to prevent things from happening and performing to get things to happen.

Today, consider taking a step back, pausing, and observing this cycle within your body and your thinking.

You may realize pretty quick that this cycle is in everything you're currently doing. If so, you're normal. This shows how powerful a lifestyle strategy codependency is.

Pausing, acknowledging, and observing helps stop this cycle and allows you to intervene.

In this month's Decoding Codependency Workshop, I will give you the 3-step I-S-I practice that helps you create new ways of self-care and relating by interrupting, soothing, and inquiring when you catch yourself people-pleasing, trying to be perfect, trying to earn love, fix or control someone, tolerating toxic behavior, or seeking someone to complete you.

Come join 131 other survivors for this free workshop and leave with practices and knowledge that will help you experience more peace, purpose, and fulfilling relating in your daily life.

Date: September 28, 2022

Cost: Free

Click link in BIO to sign up!
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Your feelings already matter.

Observe how they're treated rather than seeking validation of their legitimacy.

This will help you understand if that person is healthy for you.
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Students and clients sometimes feel confused over what the differences are between a boundary and someone avoiding something by saying they don't want to discuss it.

This infographic shows the primary differences between boundaries and avoidance. Use it to help you detect the differences in your communication and that of others.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

AVOIDANCE

- Ignores your pain
- Tells you to get over it
- Tells you to move on
- Withdraws communication, attention, affection or presence because of conflict
- Shuts down communication about the subject in an absolute manner (stonewalling)
- Doesn't allow discussion of responsibility or accountability for their behaviors/choices/actions
- May outright deny what you're feeling or experiencing
- Never resumes conversation about sensitive topic; shoots down attempts to resume

BOUNDARIES

- Communicates them kindly, clearly, directly
- May temporarily call a pause on communication to cool down, get thoughts collected
- Acknowledged the concern and pain of those involved
- Acknowledges their personal capacity and limits and respects those limits (and those of the others involved)
- Aren't used to punish or control
- Takes accountability
- Doesn't blame; owns their feelings and needs/wants
- Respects well-being of self and other
- Doesn't punish with their boundaries
...

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Own What You Create - A Secret To Being Powerful

One thing codependent programming has us do is give credit to other people, places, and things that WE are actually doing, creating, and being.

For example, if you feel great joy within connection with others, they are not giving you that joy. YOU are creating that joy in your life by fostering that connection.

Notice how that feels for you. YOU are creating your joy by fostering connection. The locus of power is in your yard, not theirs.

This alignment puts you square in your personal power and helps you see how you affect your life and your well-being.

To mature into our adult wholeness, we must own our power and own the impact we create in our lives. This teaches us that we're not helpless, but actually capable. We can affect our lives for our own good.

Watch today's training for more insight on this!
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Healing your pain doesn't mean you become tolerant of abusive, unhealthy behavior.

You become intolerant to it. You call it out when you see it. You step out of relationships that perpetuate it. You no longer try to fix your feelings so you don't feel hurt by it.

Instead, your hurt signals you to the harm and helps you see reality.

Your pain doesn't need fixing. It needs your respect and willingness to listen. It is there to guide you.



#codependency #healthyrelationships #mentalhealth #narcissism
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The Inherent Legitimacy Of Your Experience

Abuse and neglect teaches survivors to disbelieve their experiences, their feelings, their senses, and their memory recall.

Specifically, gaslighting is the preferred tactic used to get survivors to question themselves and stop questioning the person doing the abusive behaviors.

When a person doubts themselves, they will seek a compass outside themselves to determine what is real. This is the brain's first step in trying to create safety for them.

Healing requires one to face this trauma to their self-trust and begin healing it, as self-doubt is learned. It is NOT something we are born with. Self-trust is our inherent nature.

Check the bio for more!
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Believe the patterns and the impact. That's where you learn if a person is compatible and healthy for you and your life.

#codependency #narcissism #healthyrelationships
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The 5-day Codependency Healing Workshop on-demand edition is available to you now!

This is for survivors of abuse and neglect who feel lost in what to do to experience more self-worth, more peace emotionally and mentally, and are seeking a structured path for their growth and well-being.

If this is you, I can help. Here's how I help you make this happen: I guide you through my method for transitioning from codependency into happiness and well-being with less pain, more joy, and more confidence.

Specifically, I show you:

1) The root cause of codependency and how to soothe it

2) How to restore self-trust through trusting in the legitimacy of one's experiences and reactions. Without this, one will continue to feel crazy, confused, and lost

3) How to restore sanity through befriending and nurturing one's lived experience and the emotions that come with it

4) How to restore one's worth and self-esteem

You get back what the abuse and neglect took from you.

Come learn these skills and start experiencing the relief, the peace, the self-confidence, the REAL sense of worth you deserve in your life.

Cost; $47.00

Availability: 24/7

Sign up by clicking the link in the bio!
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Discover the level of influence codependency is having on your daily life and relationships and then take the next steps that are appropriate for where you're at in your journey with my quick Codependency Assessment.

Link in the bio!
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Your work is to discover people who naturally respond to your needs, wants, and person in ways that feel nurturing to you.

It isn't to change those that don't.

That's living from your happy adulthood.

#codependency #mentalhealth #healing #wellbeing #narcissisticabuse
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Being able to discern between healthy and unhealthy relationship signals is crucial to choosing who you build bonds and commitments with.

Use the below criteria to help guide you in your relationship experiences.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

- Consistently demonstrate they care about the well-being of all involved
- Are attentive and actively listens
- Are empathetic and caring
- Encourages healthy action
- Respect individuality
- Make it a safe and empowering space to be seen
- Are direct, clear, and simple with communication
- See & believe in the inherent goodness of all involved
- Practice of healthy boundaries
- Patterns of follow through in commitments
- Have patterns of accountability for mistakes and impact
- Have patterns of repair

UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS

- Are erratic or unreliable
- Are defensive, resistant to accountability
- Try to fix and change the other
- Violate boundaries over and over
- Lack empathy or concern for well-being of all involved
- Have patterns of criticism & being dismissive
- Lack reliable chemistry, interest, play, intimacy
- Have patterns of intermittent engagement (i.e. only when sex is wanted)
- Lack accountability
- May have patterns of abuse

Persistent patterns of the behaviors shared in each column are what denote if it is healthy or not; it is the PATTERN that matters, not the positive anomalies.

#codependency #healthyrelationships
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A Codependency Shift Question

What shifts when you put your well-being FIRST and their approval last?

The answers you receive show you what to practice in your life right now.

***

Discover the influence of codependency on your daily life by taking my free Codependency Assessment. Link in the bio!

#codependency #healing #mentalhealth
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One of the big milestones for codependents in healing codependency is prioritizing their well-being before wants and desires.

This shows up as:

- They put their well-being and peace ahead of being loved by someone else

- They are willing to live without a relationship because of its negative impact on them

- They're investing time, energy, and focus on their own peace and well-being despite what others think they should be doing

The real acts of loving ourselves means we consider ourselves FIRST in what is happening.

An easy way of doing this is to ask these three questions:

- Is this something I genuinely want?

- Do I have capacity for this?

- Does this add to my long-term well-being and happiness?

Sometimes love means putting our wants and desires aside in order to care for ourselves first.

#codependency
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Becoming free of needing to be codependent requires that you learn what to do instead when you feel a codependent impulse

This quick-list gives you some options of what to do when you feel the need to please another in order to feel safe, lovable, worthy, or connection (aka to experience safety, connection, or identity).

Use it to build new behaviors and continue to nurture your well-being and freedom from codependency.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

What's on the list:

People-pleasing:

- Ignoring problems and concerns you have (agreeing to be liked)
- Ignoring your feelings about things, situations, interactions
- Placing their comfort ahead of your own well-being (can't say no)
- Appealing to the preferences of the other person, hoping they will like, accept, or love you
- Hiding yourself by not sharing your wants, needs, likes, dislikes, boundaries, preferences, opinions and so forth (seeking approval)
- Sensations: Shows up as not feeling safe to be you, to say no, impulses that draw you to please them so they'll like you
- Behaviors: Show up as trying to do things you think they want, fantasies about how they'll react and what that means about you, and avoiding things that would upset or displease them

Self-advocating:

- You listen to your feelings, wants, and needs. You're attuned to yourself
- Only apologize when appropriate
- Confront problems, concerns directly and kindly
- Share your wants, likes, preferences, and dislikes, opinions, boundaries freely
- Respect and value your own principles and values and those of others
- Practice being oriented to your own sense of worth
- Sensations: Shows up as you enjoying who you are, being clear about how you feel about them, feel safe connecting; experience rest, playfulness, joy
- Behaviors: Says yes and no honestly, prioritize your capacity and well-being; check in with yourself frequently

#codependency #healing #mentalhealth
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A reminder:

YOU are the authority of your life.

Not me. Not your therapist. Not the guru on YouTube.

YOU. And only you.
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