Codependency Is How You Survived. Now Learn How To Thrive.​


Marshall Burtcher

Codependency Is How You Survived. Now Learn How To Thrive.​


Marshall Burtcher


Master the 4 skills you need to free yourself from your codependency: Soothing anxiety, restoring self-trust, believing your reality, and taking back your worth.






*This number includes paid trainings and downloads of free materials



Codependency depends on the person distrusting their lived experience and reality.

Healing codependency depends on restoring one’s self-trust in these specific areas:

  • The legitimacy of one’s lived reality
  • One’s natural completeness
  • One’s personal alignment with their personhood

The First Step In Healing: Restoring Self-Trust Guide starts you on this healing path by helping you start restoring trust in the legitimacy of your reactions and lived experience.

This results in more self-clarity, less gaslighting of yourself, more confidence, and more peace in your mind and body.

Start today by getting your copy of the guide for free.  Click below to start now:

Take the 5-day workshop and begin healing

I teach you the four essential practices you need for successful healing of and freedom from codependency. 

Here’s what you will learn:

  • Practice One: How to sooth your anxiety and tension
  • Practice Two: How to begin trusting yourself again
  • Practice Three: How to befriend and believe the legitimacy of your emotions and lived experience
  • Practice Four: How to access, know, and feel your real, innate worth

Experience more peace, freedom, and self-worth tomorrow by starting today.

We start August 1st, 2022.  Get your seat today!


I guide you through breaking free of the core elements of codependency:  Your habits, your fantasies, your fawning, and your powerlessness.
Here’s what you will learn:
  • Training One: Identify your codependent behaviors, the needs that drive them, and then new behaviors to get those needs met
  • Training Two: Identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies
  • Training Three: Identify your Fawn Response and Soothe it
  • Training Four: Identify your personal power and personhood and take it back

Learn more about these trainings by clicking below:



The Codependency Healing System where you learn how to actually thrive without codependency.  I teach you how to:

  • Trust and value yourself
  • Build safety, sanity, and occupy your personal right to exist (aka sovereignty)
  • Know, love, and live life based on who you ARE, not who you’ve been programmed to be
  • Build happy, resilient relationships of all types based on compatibility, connection, and safety

This is where codependency is transformed into healthy, fulfilling interdependency.

Learn more by clicking below:

Upcoming Trainings, Classes, And More


This is my master course for helping you master knowing, loving, and being who you are.  This ends your need for codependency in your life.
Here’s what we will be learning:
  • How to build safety emotionally, physically, and relationally
  • How to restore your sense of sanity and interact with reality
  • How to disengage the Fawn Response and heal the trauma bond
  • How to know who you are, hear your own wisdom, and follow your own vision for your life
  • How to take back and occupy your own personal power, authority, and autonomy
  • How to build healthy relationships of any kind

Enrollment is limited to 50 spots for the Live Classes and 25 for the Recorded Edition.


Wanting to learn more from Marshall?

Check out his guest appearances (past, present, and future) below.


  • EmbodyU Podcast: Ongoing

Past Appearances:

Learn More About Upcoming Events:

Resources For Your Healing & Journey


Healing and thriving without codependency requires healthy, consistent, and reliable connection with others.
The Community aims to create such a shelter where you are:
  • Supported in discovering life without codependency & navigating the complexities that arise
  • Given access to free trainings, tools, and practices to help you succeed faster
  • Celebrated in your discoveries and successes and supported in your frustrations and challenges

Come join us and discover real support for real healing.



Need practices, tools, and information that actually works and is relevant to what you’re facing right now?

Check out the variety of tools, trainings, and guides I’ve created for students, clients, and The Community.

Included are:

  • Tools for soothing anxiety and distress
  • Guides for discerning reality (sane making), healthy relationships, and keeping you sober
  • Practices for emotional healing, integration, and expansion
  • And much, much more


All of these are freely available.


Wanting to learn more from Marshall?

Check out his guest appearances (past, present, and future) below.


  • Beauty In Tragedy Summit:  March, 2022.   Sign up here: The Summit
  • EmbodyU Podcast: April, 2022


Past Appearances:


Learn More About Upcoming Events:

Check Out The Latest From Marshall



A reminder:

YOU are the authority of your life.

Not me. Not your therapist. Not the guru on YouTube.

YOU. And only you.

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A word on fixing....

You do not need fixing. You need nurturing. Nurture your needs and wants in healthy ways within yourself and with healthy people, and you'll no longer need codependency.

Simple, yet, it is complex to implement.

It starts with understanding you have 10 core emotional needs (shown below in the picture). Each of these need to be cared for in three ways:

1) You to yourself: this is where you are nurturing these responses to your inner selves and inner world

2) You-to-Others: this where you are nurturing in healthy, reciprocal ways in your relationships

3) Others-to-You: this is where you're allowing others to contribute to your needs in healthy, reciprocal ways. This isn't limited to romantic relationships. You're allowing friendships and platonic connections to contribute.

This starts with feeling safe enough to acknowledge your needs and trust in their legitimacy.

Inwardly, you validate the need and bring your presence to that need.

Outwardly, you may need connection with others. Your work here is to detect safe people and ask of them what you need.
This is how you heal loneliness, nurture belonging, and feel valued and seen by YOU and by others.

This is a core practice of thriving beyond codependency. It is also one of the most challenging practices to implement and maintain.
This is what I teach students to do in The Happiness After Codependency System.

You matter. Your needs matter.

The work is to nurture them in healthy ways that promote real safety, connection, and respect for your worth. Not eliminate your needs or fix your needs.

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Join my next Wednesday at 4:45PM PST and learn why you keep people-pleasing, seeking, proving, and trying to earn love through codependency.

Sign up by clicking the link in the bio!

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Pain doesn't signal your worth or who you are.

Pain tells the story of what you've been through. It is the language of your lived experience.

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A thought to ponder ...

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There are two commitments that all codependents need to cultivate in their healing journey:

1) Honesty with one's self about what is really happening

2) Loyalty to one's well-being and safety despite what others do

When these are committed to, a person with codependency will start confronting the fantasies and denials they have been living with and start tapping into their own responsibility and power to care for their well-being.

Use this info-graphic as a reminder to these two commitments.


Honesty with yourself and others. This involves being willing to acknowledge what you feel, what you are experiencing, and what is actually happening. This involves the end of fantasy making and toxic hope.

This means acknowledging the pain you're feeling, their abusive and neglectful behavior, and any habits of denying the patterns of behavior and impact in the relationship.

This also includes confronting fantasies of changing them, of their potential, and it means being honest with what is actually happening.

Loyalty to your well-being and safety first. Relationships do not require the loss of your Self, your well-being, your sanity. The real work in healthy relationships is building connection and understanding. This starts with loyalty to yourself.

Put your well-being first, respect your pain, choose according to what adds to your well-being, say no to what doesn't, and stay loyal to your boundaries and values.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

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Do You Put Others On The Authority Pedestal?

Codependency's biological cause is the Fawn Response to danger or threat. In the Fawn Response, the brain and body orient to the other person as someone to appease and please. The idea is to get them to like you so they won't harm, discard, or threaten you.

This makes you vulnerable to exploitation and manipulation, as the body and brain will concede its own sense of reality and authority to people or particular people outside itself. This is how we put others on the "authority pedestal".

It is also how we internalize self-doubt and distrust in our own lived reality, senses, experiences, insights, and wisdom. It generates high levels of comparison, insecurity, and "impostor syndrome". We also tend to become high-level performers as we believe our value is dependent on our output.

The work here is to take people off that pedestal and put yourself on the same level you put them on, then to strip them of any authority over your life, experience, insight or wisdom. This includes anyone you follow that is an expert in something particular (like myself, for example).
I'm not an authority. I'm an expert in some things. But an authority in none.

To heal and thrive beyond codependency, you must end the habit of making others authorities and cultivate the habit of internalizing that authority within yourself. YOU, and no one else, are the authority over your life.


Learn more in my YouTube video (click the link in the bio to connect with me on YouTube).

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Make sure that you don't compromise your worth in order to get love. Because its not love you're getting if you do.

#codependency #trauma #healing

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We often apologize for things that do no warrant such a thing.

This come from guilt for existing, taking up space, consuming resources, or just being one's self. This guilt was LEARNED through the feedback others gave to you about yourself and those things you desired or did. Because of the role they had in your world, you believed they were right. This inspired the guilt (or even shame) that you feel in relationship to yourself.

That guilt was not innately part of you. It is programmed.

What shifts if you trust, just a bit, that the guilt is false?

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.


- You've crossed a boundary you were unaware of
- You violated an agreement you made with another


- Taking up space
- Using resources for yourself
- Existing
- Expressing yourself
- Asking for something
- Asserting yourself
- Putting yourself first
- Being different
- Disappointing others
- Choosing what works for you
- For saying no
- For saying yes
- For being happy
- For being sad
- For being upset
- For having needs
- For having feelings
- For having wants
- For being
- For leaving toxic things

#codependency #mentalhealth #narcissism #healing

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One of the biggest complaints I hear from single, independent women looking for love is not finding available partners who meet them at their level.

Equal, healthy love does in fact exist, and it’s available to even the most independent women.

If you’re ready for this kind of love in your life, I’m thrilled to invite you to a brand new online interview series, featuring me as a contributing speaker:

Lasting Love at Your Level:

Discover how independent women attract and grow equal, healthy relationships

Hosted by Love & Relationship Coach Bex Burton

This series is for independent women who struggle to find partners who meet their standards, and who’ve historically had difficulty sustaining long term relationships.

With over 20 speakers, each sharing evidence based tools & practices, there’s absolutely something here for you to discover.

As an added bonus, each speaker is offering a gift you can download for free, AND Bex will host 10-minute daily dance breaks to help you get out of your head and into your heart.

*Click the link in my Linktree to reserve your spot today!

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Discerning if your activated state is a trigger or a reaction to an active danger or unsafe situation is a step in restoring one's sanity and safety.

We do this by looking at the facts of the situation while NOT dismissing, shaming, or ignoring the reaction we're experiencing.

All reactions are VALID and REAL as they come from lived experience in the past.

What does need to be assessed is if the reaction is RELEVANT to the situation at hand. This helps the person discern reality and care for their well-being and safety.

Use this quick-list to help create clarity in your situations.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.


- The situation is safe, and the behavior was a normal, healthy behavior (like someone feeling upset about a disappointment)
- They haven't violated your boundaries
- They do not name-call, attack, diminish, or deny you or your reality
- They haven't questioned your sense of reality or the event (no gaslighting)
- They are warm and available to how you feel about what happened
- They have a pattern of warmth, responsiveness, and being present with you
- After outlining the situation, you can see there was no threat
- The intensity and reaction seems to come out of nowhere
- If this is happening, your reactions have a rational cause, but may not be relevant to the current situation


- You feel anxious, uneasy, or unsafe and can point to behaviors that led to that feeling
- Your body is being attacked or threatened
- Your emotions and experience are attacked, threatened, belittled, diminished, or ignored
- They have a pattern of being cold or indifferent to you
- They're frequently aggressive towards you
- They gaslight and question your perception
- You're not allowed to take space, disengage, and regulate yourself
- Boundaries are violated
- Consent is not obtained
- They try to control you
- If this is happening, your reactions are normal and make sense as the situation is threatening/unsafe

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Love and euphoria are not the same. Real live keeps you. Euphoria motivates you to give yourself up.

Stay in real love.

#codependency #narcissism #healing #mentalhealth

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My latest episode with Artemis Rose is up!

Listen by clicking the link in my bio.

In the new EmbodyU podcast, we explore:

- Codependency in relationships and how it relates to the fawn response, repressed needs, and issues with boundaries.

- Understanding the fawn response as a normal biological strategy to avoid hurt, violence, threat, & difficulties in relationships, as well as a signal that we need more safety and care in our connections.

- The 10 core emotional needs & how they nurture our sense of identity & connectedness in relationships as we learn to connect to the felt sense experience of these needs within our body.

- The connection between safety and self-advocacy within relationships & how to trust the reactions within our bodies as a guide to our embodied needs.

- The relationship between codependency and attachment & understanding attachment as a starting point/ barometer to measure the need for closeness or space in our connections.

- Embodied boundaries & how self-advocacy ensures our safety, allows us to operate within our capacity, & find different thresholds of space/ closeness within our relationships.

Marshall focuses on helping codependents transition to self-sovereignty, fulfilling interdependence, and happiness. Marshall was deeply codependent and love-addicted for over 30 years due to tragedy and abuse in his childhood. He sought out help through CBT and DBT therapies and found success through non-traditional therapy (shamanic healing and trauma work).

He trained as an emotional healing practitioner (using somatic approaches blended with inner journey work) from 2008 to 2010, and as a relationship coach from 2008 to 2011. He's also trained in EFT, the Sedona Method, somatic processing techniques, and has developed his own set of emotional care practices, including The Flow Method, A-L-I Emotional Healing Approach, and Somatic Awareness and Release.

Follow Artemis at @embodyuwhole

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For codependents, enmeshment and connection can feel very much like the same thing.

Use this quick-list to help you discern between these very different experiences of relating with others. It can help you discover where you may be enmeshing or where another may be enmeshing with you.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.


- Sense of being blended with the other
- A merging of self with the other
- Lose contact with one's boundaries, individual desires, wants, needs, and feelings
- Emotions and feelings feel blurry, mixed up, and not sure who's is who's
- Boundaries are fluid, undefined
- One loses their sense of self when the other is gone
- Obsessive thinking and fixation on the other person, what they're feeling, thinking, doing
- One's sense of value and realness is heavily reliant on the feedback of the other person
- Behaviors: People-pleasing, obsessing around making them happy, ignores boundaries, distress when they aren't there or there is conflict
- Sensations: Panic, euphoria, fear, emptiness, loneliness, incompleteness, chaotic, unstable, unreliable


- A strong sense of individuality
- A consistent experience of warmth and presence between all involved
- Strong sense of who's emotions is who's
- Boundaries are clear, respected, understood
- Mindful consideration of the other and care for their present experience
- Considerate, caring, empathetic
- One's value and person is independent of the other person's approval, love, and opinion
- Individual goals and desires along with mutual goals and desires
- Behaviors: Honest, kind communication, respects boundaries, playful, takes time with self, shares desires, needs, wants
- Sensations: Calm, safe, playful, open, clear, defined, pleasant, warm, reliable

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Interdependency was foreign to me for a long time. It felt like I was learning to live in a different culture, language, and world. It was especially confusing at first as I couldn't see the differences between interdependence and codependence.

This quick-list gives you insights into the differences I learned in my journey in building healthy interdependent connections with others.

Use it to guide you in your own growth and healing.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.


- Give up self to get their approval
- Seeks value through approval and praise
- Apologizes for existing, having boundaries, being different, having feelings, wants, needs
- Absorbing the other person's life as their own
- Emotionally enmeshed
- Seeks self through the relationship
- Attempts to fix problems and feelings of others in order to be valuable to them
- Over-empathizes by absorbing the responsibility for other's pain and situations
- Ignores and denies their own feelings
- Blurry boundaries & muddy sense of self


- Acknowledges & respects the individual thoughts, feelings, wants, needs of each other
- Keeping your worth, identity, and sense of self while asking for their contribution to your needs and wants
- Sharing yourself as you are; receiving them as they are
- Having personal goals and desires while also sharing in mutual goals and desires
- Feeling secure to rely on the other to hold shelter and space for you & vice versa
- Needs and wants are mutually respected and valued
- Individuality and the mutual relationship are valued
- Clear boundaries and definition of self

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I was taught to emotionally bypass my experience. This happened in the religious culture I grew up in and was amplified by the new age spirituality I dove into during the early days of my recover.

As I've healed and grown a warm, nurturing relationship with my emotional world, I learned what was bypassing and what was caring for me emotionally.

Use this quick-list to guide you in your healing and growth.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.


- Uses positivity as the only response to pain and unpleasant emotions
- Denies adverse experiences and their impact
- Blames the victim for harm others did to them (aka you attracted it/manifested it)
- Ignores the painful emotional elements involved in a person's experience
- Ignores their natural powerlessness in life (for example: thinks they can control others)
- Denies the lived experience others have when they're painful, tragic, or negative
- Excuses other people's bad behavior, abuse, and/or neglect
- May struggle to identify one's own emotions
- Struggle to hold care and space for the pain and discomfort others experience


- Curious about the emotional experience of the person involved
- See's painful and adverse experiences as valid and legitimate
- Values and empathizes with the individual's experience
- Holds gentle space, allowing the person to navigate their emotions and experience on their terms
- Offers help only when asked or when they get consent by asking
- Honest, gentle and kind in giving feedback
- Understands and accepts the negative that exists in life
- Values all emotions
- Has warmth and care for their experience and feelings

#codependency #nurture #wellbeing #healing #trauma #narcissism

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Learning how to discern between one's codependent and healthy impulses helps one understand what is driving them and motivating them.

Use this quick-list to help with this discernment and guide you in your healing.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.


- Intense attraction pulls you away from your responsibilities and well-being
- An impulse to fix or rescue a person from their consequences
- A feeling of guilt (aka responsibility) for the pain someone else feels
- A desire to break your boundaries to keep someone or get closer to them
- Avoiding painful facts and focusing on the positives only
- A sense of chasing someone's approval
- Fantasy making over reality acknowledgement
- Loyalty to the other person over one's well-being
- Sacrifice worth and well-being for the other person's "love"


- A desire to understand what is really happening
- A desire for honesty and clarity
- An impulse to respect and follow your own sense of things
- A protectiveness over your well-being and happiness
- An interest in being known and knowing others
- A desire for healthy closeness and space
- Owns one's feelings, choices, actions, and desires
- Valuing your peace over their approval
- Empathy/compassion over enmeshment and fixing
- Loyalty to self first
- To regulate and care for one's emotions
- Respect autonomy of self and other

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