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You Can Heal Your Codependency & Be Happy

LEARN HOW WITH CODEPENDENCY EXPERT,

Marshall Burtcher

GET THE 4 PRACTICES NECESSARY FOR YOUR FREEDOM

JOIN MY 5-DAY FREEDOM FROM CODEPENDENCY WORKSHOP​

Master the 4 skills you need to free yourself from your codependency: Soothing anxiety, restoring self-trust, believing your reality, and taking back your worth. Start TODAY.

You Can Heal Your Codependency & Be Happy

LEARN HOW WITH CODEPENDENCY EXPERT,

Marshall Burtcher

GET THE PRACTICES NECESSARY FOR YOUR HEALING

Master the 4 skills you need to free yourself from your codependency: Soothing anxiety, restoring self-trust, believing your reality, and taking back your worth. Get the workshop today for $47.00

MY WORK, TRAININGS, AND TEACHINGS HAVE IMPACTED

7300+*

PEOPLE JUST LIKE YOU WORLDWIDE

*This number includes paid trainings and downloads of free materials

Begin Where It Makes Sense For You

GET THE GUIDE & START HEALING

Codependency depends on the person distrusting their lived experience and reality.

Healing codependency depends on restoring one’s self-trust in these specific areas:

  • The legitimacy of one’s lived reality
  • One’s natural completeness
  • One’s personal alignment with their personhood
 

The First Step In Healing: Restoring Self-Trust Guide starts you on this healing path by helping you start restoring trust in the legitimacy of your reactions and lived experience.

This results in more self-clarity, less gaslighting of yourself, more confidence, and more peace in your mind and body.

Start today by getting your copy of the guide for free.  Click below to start now:

GET THE
WORKSHOP

I teach you the four essential practices you need for successful healing of and freedom from codependency. 

Here’s what you will learn:

  • Practice One: How to sooth your anxiety and tension
  • Practice Two: How to begin trusting yourself again
  • Practice Three: How to befriend and believe the legitimacy of your emotions and lived experience
  • Practice Four: How to access, know, and feel your real, innate worth

 

Experience more peace, freedom, and self-worth tomorrow by starting today.

Learn more by clicking below:

THE HEALING CODEPENDENCY ESSENTIAL TRAININGS

I guide you through breaking free of the core elements of codependency:  Your habits, your fantasies, your fawning, and your powerlessness.
 
Here’s what you will learn:
 
  • Training One: Identify your codependent behaviors, the needs that drive them, and then new behaviors to get those needs met
  • Training Two: Identify and neutralize your codependent fantasies
  • Training Three: Identify your Fawn Response and Soothe it
  • Training Four: Identify your personal power and personhood and take it back
 

Learn more about these trainings by clicking below:

 

THE HAPPINESS AFTER CODEPENDENCY
SYSTEM

The Happiness After Codependency™ System where you learn how to actually thrive without codependency.  I teach you how to:

  • Trust and value yourself
  • Build safety, sanity, and occupy your personal right to exist (aka sovereignty)
  • Know, love, and live life based on who you ARE, not who you’ve been programmed to be
  • Build happy, resilient relationships of all types based on compatibility, connection, and safety
 

This is where codependency is transformed into healthy, fulfilling interdependency.

Learn more by clicking below:

Upcoming Trainings, Classes, And More

JOIN US
AUGUST 1st - 5th, 2022

I teach you the four essential practices you need for successful healing of and freedom from codependency. 

Here’s what you will learn:

  • Practice One: How to sooth your anxiety and tension
  • Practice Two: Restoring Your Legitimacy And Trust In Your Reactions
  • Practice Three: Restore Your Natural Completeness & Take Back Your Worth
  • Practice Four: Restore Alignment With Your Emotional Wisdom And Reality
 

Experience more peace, freedom, and self-worth tomorrow by starting today.

Learn more by clicking below:

AUGUST ENROLLMENT OPENS
JUNE 1st, 2022

This is my master course for helping you master knowing, loving, and being who you are.  This ends your need for codependency in your life.
 
Here’s what we will be learning:
 
  • How to build safety emotionally, physically, and relationally
  • How to restore your sense of sanity and interact with reality
  • How to disengage the Fawn Response and heal the trauma bond
  • How to know who you are, hear your own wisdom, and follow your own vision for your life
  • How to take back and occupy your own personal power, authority, and autonomy
  • How to build healthy relationships of any kind
 

Enrollment is limited to 50 spots for the Live Classes and 25 Spots for the Recorded Edition.

PODCAST & SUMMIT APPEARANCES

Wanting to learn more from Marshall?

Check out his guest appearances (past, present, and future) below.

Upcoming:

  • EmbodyU Podcast: Ongoing
  • Lasting Love At Your Level Series: Coming June, 2022

Past Appearances:

Learn More About Upcoming Events:

Resources For Your Healing & Journey

THE
COMMUNITY

Healing and thriving without codependency requires healthy, consistent, and reliable connection with others.
 
The Community aims to create such a shelter where you are:
 
  • Supported in discovering life without codependency & navigating the complexities that arise
  • Given access to free trainings, tools, and practices to help you succeed faster
  • Celebrated in your discoveries and successes and supported in your frustrations and challenges
 

Come join us and discover real support for real healing.

 

TOOLS & RESOURCE LIBRARY

Need practices, tools, and information that actually works and is relevant to what you’re facing right now?

Check out the variety of tools, trainings, and guides I’ve created for students, clients, and The Community.

Included are:

  • Tools for soothing anxiety and distress
  • Guides for discerning reality (sane making), healthy relationships, and keeping you sober
  • Practices for emotional healing, integration, and expansion
  • And much, much more

 

All of these are freely available.

PODCAST & SUMMIT APPEARANCES

Wanting to learn more from Marshall?

Check out his guest appearances (past, present, and future) below.

Upcoming:

  • Beauty In Tragedy Summit:  March, 2022.   Sign up here: The Summit
  • EmbodyU Podcast: April, 2022

 

Past Appearances:

 

Learn More About Upcoming Events:

Check Out The Latest From Marshall

YouTube

Instagram

Interdependency was foreign to me for a long time. It felt like I was learning to live in a different culture, language, and world. It was especially confusing at first as I couldn't see the differences between interdependence and codependence.

This quick-list gives you insights into the differences I learned in my journey in building healthy interdependent connections with others.

Use it to guide you in your own growth and healing.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

CODEPENDENCY

- Give up self to get their approval
- Seeks value through approval and praise
- Apologizes for existing, having boundaries, being different, having feelings, wants, needs
- Absorbing the other person's life as their own
- Emotionally enmeshed
- Seeks self through the relationship
- Attempts to fix problems and feelings of others in order to be valuable to them
- Over-empathizes by absorbing the responsibility for other's pain and situations
- Ignores and denies their own feelings
- Blurry boundaries & muddy sense of self

INTERDEPENDENCE

- Acknowledges & respects the individual thoughts, feelings, wants, needs of each other
- Keeping your worth, identity, and sense of self while asking for their contribution to your needs and wants
- Sharing yourself as you are; receiving them as they are
- Having personal goals and desires while also sharing in mutual goals and desires
- Feeling secure to rely on the other to hold shelter and space for you & vice versa
- Needs and wants are mutually respected and valued
- Individuality and the mutual relationship are valued
- Clear boundaries and definition of self
...

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I was taught to emotionally bypass my experience. This happened in the religious culture I grew up in and was amplified by the new age spirituality I dove into during the early days of my recover.

As I've healed and grown a warm, nurturing relationship with my emotional world, I learned what was bypassing and what was caring for me emotionally.

Use this quick-list to guide you in your healing and growth.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

BYPASSING

- Uses positivity as the only response to pain and unpleasant emotions
- Denies adverse experiences and their impact
- Blames the victim for harm others did to them (aka you attracted it/manifested it)
- Ignores the painful emotional elements involved in a person's experience
- Ignores their natural powerlessness in life (for example: thinks they can control others)
- Denies the lived experience others have when they're painful, tragic, or negative
- Excuses other people's bad behavior, abuse, and/or neglect
- May struggle to identify one's own emotions
- Struggle to hold care and space for the pain and discomfort others experience

CARE

- Curious about the emotional experience of the person involved
- See's painful and adverse experiences as valid and legitimate
- Values and empathizes with the individual's experience
- Holds gentle space, allowing the person to navigate their emotions and experience on their terms
- Offers help only when asked or when they get consent by asking
- Honest, gentle and kind in giving feedback
- Understands and accepts the negative that exists in life
- Values all emotions
- Has warmth and care for their experience and feelings

#codependency #nurture #wellbeing #healing #trauma #narcissism
...

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Learning how to discern between one's codependent and healthy impulses helps one understand what is driving them and motivating them.

Use this quick-list to help with this discernment and guide you in your healing.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

CODEPENDENT IMPULSES

- Intense attraction pulls you away from your responsibilities and well-being
- An impulse to fix or rescue a person from their consequences
- A feeling of guilt (aka responsibility) for the pain someone else feels
- A desire to break your boundaries to keep someone or get closer to them
- Avoiding painful facts and focusing on the positives only
- A sense of chasing someone's approval
- Fantasy making over reality acknowledgement
- Loyalty to the other person over one's well-being
- Sacrifice worth and well-being for the other person's "love"

HEALTHY IMPULSES

- A desire to understand what is really happening
- A desire for honesty and clarity
- An impulse to respect and follow your own sense of things
- A protectiveness over your well-being and happiness
- An interest in being known and knowing others
- A desire for healthy closeness and space
- Owns one's feelings, choices, actions, and desires
- Valuing your peace over their approval
- Empathy/compassion over enmeshment and fixing
- Loyalty to self first
- To regulate and care for one's emotions
- Respect autonomy of self and other
...

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My journey out of the trauma bond, love addiction, and deep codependency required that I really master what real love behaved like vs what fantasy (euphoria) behaved like.

I had to associate love with different behaviors while caring for and nurturing my emotional needs and capacity. This took risk, experimentation, rest, and curiosity to achieve.

This quick-list is a result of that work. Use it to help you identify love or fantasy in your own thinking and behaviors and also see it in those you are relating with.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

Real Love:

- Supports you being yourself
- Empowers boundaries
- Respects your no and yes
- Remarks kindly on your dreams, desires, your feelings
- Enjoys time in your presence and space
- Asks of you things kindly and safely
- Makes difference and disagreement safe; owns mistakes & makes changes
- Respects differences
- Understands when you change your mind
- Asks and inquires rather than assumes
- Honest, direct, clear, and simple
- Says no honestly
- Sees the person as they are
- Kind with mistakes

Fantasy

- Feels like the other person completes you
- Ignores the problems
- Maximizes the kind moments
- Minimizes the problems, abuses, neglect
- You lose yourself in them
- You are fixated on their potential
- You feel on edge and insecure, as though you need to keep earning and proving your worthiness
- Feel euphoric when they give you attention, affection, time
- Feel gutted, emptied, lifeless or worthless when they reject you
- "Walking on eggshells" is the normal
- You see the person as you want them to be, not as they are

#codependency #healing #reallove
...

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We did not learn how to discern between green and red flags in behavior patterns of others or ourselves. This happened due to the neglect we experienced, along with the entanglement of love and abuse (we learned to believe love comes with pain and neglect, which it does not).

To help build awareness of green and red flags, I created this quick-list as a fast and easy means of discerning patterns of behavior in yourself and/or others.

This will help you see how you and others are showing up. Green flags mean the person is behaving in safe ways. Red flags means the person is not safe and should be avoided if possible.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.
...

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There are two commitments that all codependents need to cultivate in their healing journey:

1) Honesty with one's self about what is really happening

2) Loyalty to one's well-being and safety despite what others do

When these are committed to, a person with codependency will start confronting the fantasties and denials they have been living with and start tapping into their own responsibility and power to care for their well-being.

Use this info-graphic as a reminder to these two commitments.

COMMITMENT ONE: Honesty with yourself and others. This involves being willing to acknowledge what you feel, what you are experiencing, and what is actually happening. This involves the end of fantasy making and toxic hope.

This means acknowledging the pain you're feeling, their abusive and neglectful behavior, and any habits of denying the patterns of behavior and impact in the relationship.

This also includes confronting fantasies of changing them, of their potential, and it means being honest with what is actually happening.

COMMITMENT TWO: Loyalty to your well-being and safety first. Relationships do not require the loss of your Self, your well-being, your sanity. The real work in healthy relationships is building connection and understanding. This starts with loyalty to yourself.

Put your well-being first, respect your pain, choose according to what adds to your well-being, say no to what doesn't, and stay loyal to your boundaries and values.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #healing #wellness #mentalhealth
...

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Codependency convinces you that you are obligated to others and you have to give up yourself to get needs and/or wants needed.

Reclaiming and embodying your power and sovereignty are necessary knowing, loving, and being who you are, which is how one heals their need for codependency to get needs and wants met.

Use these nine focus points to help expand your sense of personal autonomy and your personal state of empowered living.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

1 - Have thoughts and feelings that are different from others

2 - Say no simply because you do not want to do what was requested

3 - Put yourself first

4 - Choose boundaries that favor your well-being and happiness

5 - Make choices and actions that work for you, even if they disappoint others

6 - Make and negotiate agreements according to what you want and need

7 - Ask for what you want and need and ask it be given in ways that work for you

8 - Disappoint others

9 - Rest, play, and enjoy your life despite other people's expectations of you

#codependency #healing #mentalhealth
...

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Hi! I'm Marshall Burtcher.

I help codependents find the answers to these questions:

1) "How do I know who I am?"

2) "How do I love myself?"

3) "How do I feel safe again?"

4) "How do I trust myself?"

5) "How do I have a healthy relationship?"

6) "How do I heal?"

I help them discover the answers through teaching them how to:

1) Create safety emotionally, physically, and relationally for themselves

2) Create connection with their true self, their needs and wants, and build healthy reciprocal connection with others

3) Know their own voice, feel and follow their own value, and capture their own vision for their life

If you're seeking these things in your life, I invite you to check out my work, put it to use, and see what you discover.

You can do that by:

1) Following me on YouTube where I publish new trainings weekly

2) Following me on Facebook, where I share insights, tools, and opportunities to work with me

3) Follow my podcast on Google, Apple Podcasts, and Spotify; it is "Happiness After Codependency with Marshall Burtcher"

4) Join my email community by getting your First Step in healing here: https://begin.freetheself.com
...

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Confusing being needed for being loved is extremely common with codependency.

This happens because you've been largely praised, appreciated, and given attention for solving their problems or care-taking their emotions and needs.

This feels really good at first, especially if you've been chronically emotionally and relationally starved. It can feel like love.

This is a transactional form of relationship where you are doing the emotional labor for them in exchange for their temporary approval and attention.

One is left empty, feeling worthless, and possibly resentment and angry when this is their chronic experience in relationships.

Use this quick-list to help you discern if you're seeking to get love by being needed or actually being loved.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

NEED TO BE NEEDED

- You believe they need you to rescue them
- You place them come first over and over your well-being
- You and they do not value your needs
- Feeling lovable, worthy, and valuable is fused with being needed
- Your sense of self is entangled with being the person that helps and fixes
- You feel lost without someone to fix or focus on
- You feel invisible or non-existent when you're not needed
- Sensations: Feel empty and invisible; anxiety about other people's problems; fear about not being needed; resentment, low self-worth; feel a rush when someone needs you
- Behaviors: Involving yourself in their problems; taking on responsibility for their feelings; suppressing your emotions and needs; you may seek out problems to solve

NEED TO BE LOVED

- A desire to connect and know someone else and be known by them
- Feeling appreciated, cared for, and nurtured
- Valued for your presence and being & self-expression
- Boundaries recognized, valued, honored
- Attentive to your emotional well-being, freedom, individuality
- Enjoying and investing time and attention with you
- Being heard, validated, and recognized
- Sensations: Warmth, connection, presence
...

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Proving your worth is a habit derived from being praised for what you do and how it makes the other person feel.

It is a signal that you've not been valued, praised, and appreciated for simply existing. Love, worth, and meaning are derived from productivity rather than from your natural beingness and connection with others.

Use this quick list to help you shift from proving yourself and earning love to being anchored in your innate worth as a human being.

PROVING/EARNING LOVE

- Seeks a sense of value and worth through productivity and achievement
- Performance is the go-to solution when feeling inadequate or having a need for feeling loved
- Outcomes define one's worth
- Approval feels like love
- Rejection feels devastating to one's sense of self
- Defines self according to the preferences and likes of others
- Sensations: A strong impulse to take on lots of responsibilities, to be a high performer, to strive for perfection; deep sense of insecurity, impostor syndrome, and inadequacy
- Behaviors: Taking on lots of responsibility, play is avoided, perfectionistic expectations, workaholic

ANCHORED WORTH

- Experiences a somatic/felt-sense of worth as a person
- Engages in play, creativity, rest
- Uses work and productivity as a way to share who they are, not define who they are
- Attuned to one's sense of capacity, wants, needs, and limits
- Enjoys being themselves
- Rejection and approval are regarded as information about experience, not definition of who they are
- Sensations: Sense of joy in being themselves; work brings joy, as does play and rest; curious and creative
- Behaviors: Respects their limits, their successes and failures, owns their value and worth, cares for wants, needs, pain, and joy; allows failure to happen and curiosity to guide them

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #mentalheath #healing
...

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Becoming free of needing to be codependent requires that you learn what to do instead when you feel a codependent impulse

This quick-list gives you some options of what to do when you feel the need to please another in order to feel safe, lovable, worthy, or connection (aka to experience safety, connection, or identity).

Use it to build new behaviors and continue to nurture your well-being and freedom from codependency.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

What's on the list:

People-pleasing:

- Ignoring problems and concerns you have (agreeing to be liked)
- Ignoring your feelings about things, situations, interactions
- Placing their comfort ahead of your own well-being (can't say no)
- Appealing to the preferences of the other person, hoping they will like, accept, or love you
- Hiding yourself by not sharing your wants, needs, likes, dislikes, boundaries, preferences, opinions and so forth (seeking approval)
- Sensations: Shows up as not feeling safe to be you, to say no, impulses that draw you to please them so they'll like you
- Behaviors: Show up as trying to do things you think they want, fantasies about how they'll react and what that means about you, and avoiding things that would upset or displease them

Self-advocating:

- You listen to your feelings, wants, and needs. You're attuned to yourself
- Only apologize when appropriate
- Confront problems, concerns directly and kindly
- Share your wants, likes, preferences, and dislikes, opinions, boundaries freely
- Respect and value your own principles and values and those of others
- Practice being oriented to your own sense of worth
- Sensations: Shows up as you enjoying who you are, being clear about how you feel about them, feel safe connecting; experience rest, playfulness, joy
- Behaviors: Says yes and no honestly, prioritize your capacity and well-being; check in with yourself frequently

#codependency #healing #mentalhealth
...

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You have 7 innate permissions. These empower you to live from your personal, natural authority and autonomy. They create natural boundaries and guide you in knowing, loving, and being who you are.

They are:

- Occupy your emotional, mental, physical, and energetic space without excuse
- Choose you first and not fix other people's disappointment or feelings about that choice
- Continue to feel good even when others are feeling different emotions
- Have boundaried empathy. Your empathy is a gift, not something others are entitled to. You can put it where you feel it bests serves you and them
- Be worthy without earning
- Ask for what you want & say no to anything you don't want
- Live free of guilt and shame

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #narcissism #healing #mentalhealth
...

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*Updated post since FB/Insta won't let me update the graphic. Typo corrected to "me-then-you" from "you-then-me" in the confidence section*

I've found this comparison to be very helpful in attuning myself to my confidence and exposing where I may be coming from codependent impulses.

It is a roadmap that way.

Use this quick-list to do the same for you.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #healing #mentalhealth #freetheself #care
...

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5 Facts About Codependency & Healing It:

1) Codependency is how you survived the absence of genuine love, connection, and safety

2) Codependency is a strategy to get your 3 necessities met: safety, connection, and identity

3) Codependency is "healed" when you master new skills in creating safety, connection, and identity for yourself

4) Healing is about discovering who you are beyond the pain, trauma, and coping mechanism. It is not about arriving as a certain person or having a certain experience

5) The work is to discover who you are by coming to know your value, your voice, and your vision

Discover how to start this deep healing through my 5-day Workshop: The 4 Essential Practices For Healing Codependency

Start today: https://4cp.freetheself.com
(or click the link in bio! )

#codependency #trauma #healing #narcissism
...

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A Shift:

Codependency View: My emotions are a result of a flaw or problem with myself.

Reality: My emotions are a result of what I have been through.

#codependency #mentalhealth #narcissism #abuse #healing
...

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Here are some signals on what emotional availability looks like and doesn't.

Use this to inform you and guide in how you relate with others and how they are relating with you.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #mentalhealth #narcissism #attachment #attachmentstyles #emotionalintelligence
...

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My friends, it is ok to leave it to others to figure out what to do with their problems. It is ok to step away from drama. It is ok to focus on you and what feels good to you in YOUR life. It is ok not to prioritize others all the time. It is ok to be happy even if others aren't.

Put another way, you have innate permission (from your own authority) to:

- leave it to others to figure out what to do with their problems
- to step away from drama
- to focus on you and what feels good to you in YOUR life
- not to prioritize others all the time.
- to be happy even if others aren't.

#codependency #narcissism #mentalhealth
...

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An Exploration:

Today, consider believing your feelings are valid regardless of what others may say or think.

Lean into it.

See what you discover.

#codependency #mentalhealth #emotion
...

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Use this quick-list to help you know when an apology or sorry is appropriate and when it isn’t. This can help you stay boundaried in your yard as well and see that you do not have to apologize for taking up space or existing.

Note: Quick-lists & Infographics are snapshots on a concept or topic. They are, by nature, limited in their scope. It is entirely expected that the quick-list does not cover everything or may lack certain nuances. Keep that in mind while using them.

#codependency #narcissism #mentalhealth
...

921 10

3 Questions To Get In Touch With You - The 60 Second Sanity Check

Check bio for links to courses, community, and more!
...

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